The Fat, the Fatuous, the Fiery, the Fierce

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Tuesday [and, because it's "Tuesday," and news is light, the only edition today]

Genuine Pentecostal cult, about 20 miles outside the D.C. beltway
Calvary Temple preaches the literal word of the Bib—uh, rather, the literal word of Pastor Star R. Scott, and he has increasingly hardened the battle lines: Either you accept his interpretations, or you're gone, and if that means jettisoning your kids or your spouse, too bad. Followers are down, from thousands to 400, but they're hardcore. (Bonus: The Bible says that, if the apostle's wife dies, the apostle gets to marry a 20-yr-old virgin, buy Ferraris, and set up a "racing ministry." That Bible, that sure is a good book.) Washington Post
Comments 'pentecostal_cult'

The tyranny of the dumb
It's not quite on the level of that black Washington, D.C., bureaucrat who raised hell when someone (correctly) used the word "niggardly" in a meeting, but Univ. of Arkansas law professor Richard Peltz was still slandered as racist for having used a piece from The Onion to make the point that America hasn't worked out all its racial problems yet. The Black Law Student Ass'n demanded Peltz's hide, apparently finding it too difficult to follow the "satire" thing (e.g., if it says X, it must mean X, or, wait, does it means the opposite of X, or, gee, how are we supposed to tell which one, and oh, goodness, this is all so confusing!). (Bonus: The BLSA guys also said The Onion was well-known for being politically "conservative.") Inside Education
Comments 'tyranny_dumb'

Your Daily Loser
F Stater Anthony Zitnick, 21, was apparently just showing off to his new chick that he knew a guy who legally kept wild animals at home, and he'll show you how cool he is by taking her over to check 'em out (since he knew the guy was away for the weekend). In the next scene in our drama, the couple has surreptitiously entered the house, and a cougar has jumped the girl, and has her head in its mouth, and she's shrieking and bleeding, and Anthony's just standing there, petrified (but a neighbor rescued her). Miami Herald [with Zitnick mugshot]
Comments 'anthony_zitnick'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Traci Gilson, 21, Foresthill, Calif., who, for all we know, might have just been involved in a little lovers' spat like we all have from time to time (or, she could have set her man on fire—one or the other). KXTV (Sacramento)
Comments 'traci_gilson'

More Things to Worry About on Tuesday

With states passing laws restricting where registered sex offenders can live, more and more are homeless, but that's no excuse for RSO Eric Kaminski to be living behind some bookcases at a Univ. of Illinois library in Urbana. Associated Press via Springfield Journal-Register

Huntington, W.Va., wins the CDC's award for fattest, most diabetic, most toothless metro area, but residents seem nonplused about it, maybe because Huntington's pretty healthy compared to the state's rural areas. Associated Press via ABC News

Why not? She's an artist; she has a glass eye; why not replace it with an eye that holds a webcam (web, via a cellphone), so the world can see exactly what she sees, no more, no less? New York Daily News

A changed referees' decision at the end of Sunday's Steelers-Chargers game did not affect the result result (Steelers win, either way) but the gamblers' point spread, all by itself, caused an estimated $32m to get picked out of the pockets of Charger bettors (when the game ended on the original call) and handed to Steeler bettors (when the final call was changed).

Earning a DUI on a riding lawn mower has been accomplished before, but this is probably a first where the passenger, sitting on the mower's hood and equally under the influence, also gets ticketed, for failure to wear a seat belt. Post-Star (Glens Falls, N.Y.)

It's bad enough if a folding Martha Stewart lawnchair pinches someone's fingertip off, but what are the odds that the victim is a (1) hand model and (2) professional magician (3) who plays the banjo in his act? Associated Press via ABC News

Taking second jobs may become standard in the failing economy, but if you're a sex-abuse caseworker for Children's Services, you can't work on the side as a whore. WBNS-TV (Columbus, Ohio)

Today's Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Sam Gaines, Ed Babcock, Vernon Balbert, Jim Quiggle, Scott Langill
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Tuesday?
Comments 'worry_081118'
     Posted By: Chuck - Tue Nov 18, 2008

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