Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Saturday

Marketing to people who are inept at multi-tasking
The Child Minder System will beep if you happen to get out of your car, having accidentally left your little urchin in the child seat. That's if you're not too scatter-brained to punch in the code in the first place. "All our lives are so busy," said a spokeswoman. "As a mom, you can get really distracted," said a mom. [Ed.: More marketing opportunities! What if you're so busy you forget which side of the road to drive on? What if you're so distracted, you park directly on the railroad tracks? Those people need devices, too, and they can just as well buy them from you!] WOAI-TV (San Antonio)
Comments 'child_minder'

Did the Bishop get beaten up, or was it just a nasty fall?
Last year, Bishop Donald Pelotte of the diocese in Gallup, N.Mex., was hospitalized with two black eyes and what looks like a couple dozen other bruises and cuts all over his body. Said he fell down a flight of stairs. [Ed.: There's video, and nobody has ever had "a fall" like that.] Then, a few months later, the Bishop made a 911 call about "little men" (3- or 4-feet tall), wearing Halloween masks, running around his house, and that he needed help (even though, he said, they were "gentle"). KOAT-TV (Albuquerque)
Comments 'bishop_pelotte'

A challenging defense strategy to refute a fraud charge
Remi Fakorede, a Nigerian immigrant, was charged with a £925k tax fraud in London, but told the court she was innocent, in that she was a helpless victim of a curse, and, by the way, as evidence of the curse, she reached into her handbag and pulled out two fingers that she said belonged to one of her children. The very same curse that hit me made these fingers fall off! BBC News
Comments 'fingers_curse'

Girl, age 15, 462 lbs.
She looks happy enough in the photos (with her smiling mother), even though "doctors told me I could drop dead at any moment." But, lest you think she's one of those people who feels she's just a victim, she does admit: "I know it's partly my fault." "t's so hard to stop eating." The Sun (London)
Comments 'fattest_teen'

Your Daily Loser
Judon McCann, 17, accidentally shot himself in the thigh while "holstering" his gun in his pocket, after missing what he was shooting at, all over of a $10 debt. Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
Comments 'judon_mccann'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Edwin Tobergta III, Cincinnati [again, Cincinnati!], was once again released without jail time, on his 6th public indecency conviction (an earlier one of which involved simulating sexual intercourse with a large plastic pumpkin at Halloween). Cincinnati Enquirer [Yep, there's a mug shot!]
Comments 'edwin_tobergta'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Philip Fleck and his gal Heather Darcy might have been the people who went on that 18-month spree involving the egging of over 400 homes around Lansdale, Pa. KOAA-TV via WCAU-TV (Philadelphia)
Comments 'fleck_darcy'

More Things to Worry About on Saturday
Little urchins commandeering cars has been No Longer Weird for a while, but this one not only has a tender-age driver (4), it has his 2-yr-old brother riding shotgun . . . . . A Houston paralegal sued for wrongful discharge, and she clearly learned a thing or two from hanging around lawyers; she didn't claim mere sexual harassment, but that she was told to go down on a reluctant witness to make him friendlier . . . . . They don't make muggers like they used to: booty consisted of a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a costume earring, and "three Post-It notes" . . . . . Unclear on the Concept: Landlord, tired of a tenant owing back rent, smashed in the front door with his Hummer . . . . . World's oldest joke uncovered (weak punchline, but it's about marital farting, so it has that going for it). Today's Newsrangers: Jonathan Kopke, Larry Seltzer, John Holsinger, Steve Miller
Comments 'worry_080802'
     Posted By: Chuck - Sat Aug 02, 2008

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