[News] More Things to Worry About Today

Worse Sex Life Than Yours: Bob Epley, 56, Nashville, Tenn., was arrested for hiring kids for sex, specifically, to "place him in a stranglehold with their legs" "in order to create an autoerotic sensation." The Tennessean

Even now, some people still have too much money: The sculpture of a cat that will go to auction in May in NYC is expected to bring $16m-$22m. Reuters

William Bieber, 35, was arrested in Chehalis, Wash., for sneaking meth into his wife's water because, nursing their 3-month-old, she seemed not to have any energy left for cleaning the house. Associated Press via Seattle Post-Intelligencer

A slightly intoxicated motorcyclist crashed into wild pigs on the road in 2003 and messed himself up badly, and a jury decided that was California's fault for not putting up "Wild Pigs" signs on the highway. (Bonus: Good luck collecting $8.6m from a state that's almost bankrupt.) Associated Press via KOVR-TV (Sacramento)

Recurring (embarrassing) Theme: A Saginaw, Mich., man [Ed.: No, not the one humping the vacuum cleaner at the carwash] got his finger stuck in his car's gas tank, and it took firefighters 4 hours to get it loose. Saginaw News [finger] /// Saginaw News [vacuum]

Recurring Theme: It says here that a newspaper in Quanzhou, China, reported a suicidal Chinese woman's jumping off a building and landing on a non-suicidal man, killing him (her boyfriend!) but sparing her. Daily Telegraph (London)

Your Daily Loser
Brian Round, Eustis, Fla., apparently one of the thousands of 17-yr-olds confident that they've got everything figured out, called up his friends and told them he had been "messing with people" using his police-style lights in his car but was sure he was home-free because none of his friends "would rat me out." Brian was making the calls on his cell phone from an interrogation room at the police station during a break, and he didn't think anybody would be monitoring. Orlando Sentinel

Today's Newsrangers: Tom Barker, Paul Woolwine, Andrew Gibson, Matt Mirapaul, and a boatload o' people who tipped me to the carwash case last week (which I had already covered when the poor guy was arrested)

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Mar 30, 2009

Sex Life - Couldn't he have just gotten a job as a high school wrestling coach?

William Bieber - Off with his head!

Wild Pigs - I see a new U2 hit in this. "Who's gonna ride your wild piiiiiigs..."

Recurring Theme - Karma
Posted by Nethie on 03/30/09 at 06:10 PM
Where the heck does the state get signs that say "Pig Xing"?

From the streets around the US Capitol buildings in DC?
Posted by Paul in Athens GA on 03/30/09 at 06:15 PM
Did you check out a photo of the Bronze Cat? It looks like a giant pin covered in welding drippings with 4 pin legs under it. I think I may leave my job and become and impressionistic artist. I have a pile of scrap metal out back that must be worth a fortune!
Posted by Ben the Cat on 03/30/09 at 07:09 PM
Sex-life I know how to warn my kids about sexual predators and not taking candy from strangers... now I have to specify that you should never wrap your legs around the neck of a strange man in exchange for money? I guess this is a "do as I say, not as I do" type thing....

Meth Starbucks didn't work?

Wild pigs I'm with you, Murph... who in the world keeps giving these people MONEY?
Posted by KW in Dallas, TX on 03/30/09 at 10:18 PM
landing on a non-suicidal man
When I first saw the headline I thought, "Ha, maybe he tried to catch her." Then I read the article. He tried to catch her. :long:

What a Wang!
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/31/09 at 07:42 AM
China - Hasn't that guy ever seen Mythbusters? Critical Velocity my friend, look it up! Oh wait, he can't, never mind.
Posted by Jules in Connecticut on 03/31/09 at 08:44 AM
Thanks JBJ ~ Hey I'm a huge cat lover but $22M for that piece of crap? Give me the buyer's name, I'm sure I've got some stuff he/she can waste $$ on and make me wealthier in the process. :cheese:

Meth in the water ~ what a sick freak. Did he even think about the baby? I want his address, I'll kill him myself.
Posted by Skitt in SW USA on 03/31/09 at 01:58 PM
Uh, how do you get your finger stuck in a gas tank? I can't quite figure that out.
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 04/01/09 at 11:31 AM
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.