News of the Weird 2.0 (July 9, 2012)

News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 9, 2012
(datelines from June 10 or later) (links correct as of July 9)

Editor's Note

Miss me yet? I'm fine, thank you, but I now have to read almost everything three times (versus two before that, provoked by my advancing age), and I must reserve my most brilliant spells for my weekly News of the Weird column, which still provides a bit of income. So, I'm back to merely guiding you upon a cite-seeing tour, at least for a while longer.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Somewhere: "Nick" and "Ethan" have formed Virtuous Pedophiles, "many" of whom pose no danger to kids, they say. Just admire 'em at a distance, like art gallery patrons. Sez Ethan: "Almost any group in the world can hold a convention, look out on a sea of faces, and say, 'These are people like me.' We can't." Salon

Raleigh, N.C.: The governor vetoed a pro-fracking bill, but pro-frackers worked to override it. However, governor's allies, led by Rep. Becky Carney, had the veto beat, by one vote--except that when it came time to actually vote, Carney pushed the wrong button, and the veto won. Carney: "Oh my gosh." ABC News (tip: The Atlantic)

Chicago: Win-Win! Chicago has a sky-high murder rate this summer. So, do-gooders sponsored a $100 buy-back for every gun turned in (regardless of condition). Winners: People get $100 a gun. Criminals know that fewer victims will be armed. Pro-gun group organizes hand-ins of rusty guns to fund a youth camp to encourage gun ownership. Chicago Sun-Times

Las Vegas: Can't Possibly Be True! Prof. Tom Kubistant of Western Nevada College ran his Human Sexuality course about like a spittle-encrusted, bottom-feeding pervert would have run it, with minimal academic overlay--at least if Karen Royce's lawsuit is to be believed. (Karen, at age 60, balked at the "required" number of masturbations she had to journalize in order to pass.) Courthouse News Service

New York City: July Special at the Uni K Waxing salon--50% off! (Umm, it's for girls 15 and under.) "If she's going to [bunk] with all these girls [at camp], and she feels insecure because she hasn't taken care of the hair on her lip or her legs . . .." Huffington Post

More Things to Worry About

Miami, Fla.: Quartavious Davis, 20, is still shell-shocked. No prior record, fired a gun only twice, 162 yrs in prison, no parole. (Bonus: Not in Texas!) Reuters via Huffington Post

Myrtle Beach, S.C.: Motorcyclists claim that a county law against doing "burnouts" is an unconstitutional curtailment of their first-amendment right of macho. (Seriously.) The Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.)

Jacksonville, Fla.: The Aristocrat. He buys enema 6-packs at a CVS, uses them, sticks the squirters back in the box, re-seals it, and takes it in for a refund. The Smoking Gun

Abingdon, England: Ever see the movie Snatch? (Spoiler: Two crooks in that movie, just like these guys last week, kept pushing the "pull" door to get away, until they finally just smashed the door open to flee.) World's Greatest Newspaper

Boston: Suspicions Confirmed (though it sounds a little low): A Harvard Medical School study found that about 1 teenager in 12 has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Boston Globe

London: Once in a while, a magical new research funding magnet comes along. A June article in BMC Medical Genetics ID'd seven genetic markers that contribute to fixing a woman's breast size, and two of them also mark for breast cancer. Men and women support! Fox News

Amman, Jordan: Coming Soon to America! Mohammed Shawabka, a Member of Parliament, was TV-debating the Syrian uprising with some guy when name-calling started, then a shoe went flying, then the MP pulled out a gun and started waving it around. (Bonus: This is what's already here in America: Glenn Beck's website treated the news of Andy Griffith's death straight-up. The Comments section, though, reveals that a few of Glenn's fans wish they could, among other things, spit, tinkle, and vomit on Griffith's grave--for no reason other than that he appeared in a pro-Obamacare ad. And again, this is Andy Griffith they're talking about, not Obama/Biden/Pelosi. ) Los Angeles Times /// (tip:

Thanks to Scott Huber and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Jul 09, 2012

Virtuous Pedophiles Why not? When some hot piece of fluff jiggles her way past my eyes and wafts a load of pheromones my way I'd still remain virtuous whether my wife was sitting next to me or not. Honest! No... really!

Pro-Fracking This would be called a political frack-up?

$100 a Gun Outlaw guns and only outlaws will have guns.

Human Sexuality Course So, it wasn't a come as you are course?

Uni K Waxing REF: Virtuous Pedophiles. If she needs waxing at 15 is she still a child? Glamour didn't think so for decades.

162 Yrs It's way past time we get US back on track. @#$#$@ like this is counter productive to say the least!

Intermittent Explosive Disorder I used to have this disorder back when I was 5 or 6 but Mom helped me see the error of my ways quickly and decisively about twice. Didn't even need therapy but a pillow helped.

Andy Griffith's Passing I've never understood the ABSOLUTE REQUIREMENT for people to listen to Hollywood's opinion on anything other than acting! These people live in la-la-land 90% of the time.

NOTE: E-mail notices don't seem to be working for me. Anyone else having this problem?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/09/12 at 06:01 AM
Expat -- are you talking about the feedburner email updates? They're working for me. Feedburner has a reputation for being a bit buggy, but it's also free, so we take the good with the bad. Though my first guess would be that if you use a spam filter, that might be the culprit.
Posted by Alex on 07/09/12 at 09:36 AM
Dear Chuck,
One of the VERY few subjects I would feel safe speaking for WUvians on is our LOVE for you and your work! WE ALL miss you when you're not here.
Thanks for another great post! Hope you are feeling better soon!
Posted by Tyrusguy on 07/09/12 at 09:51 AM
Why yes I did miss you.
Managed to get some weirdness, from you, via the Santa Monica Daily Press.
Glad you are okay.
Glad you have a team to help you.
FYI - some female athletes wax, uh "there", to help improve performance. Olympic bicyclists are an example...
Posted by GirlGeniusNYC in los angeles on 07/09/12 at 10:25 AM
I second Tyrusguy's sentiment Chuck!(In fact I care so much that I have resisted the urge to make eye puns, difficult as that is for me. smile )

virtuous pedos- if they do not act on the feelings then that is something anyway. But oogling kids is out period!

dumb politicians- Push the right FRACKING button!!

guns- Most of those turned in are damaged or stolen anyway. Useless feel good program.

Human Sexuality Course- The prof is a freak and the course is abusive. The school should be substantially penalized for the whole fiasco and the idiot prof fired with a detailed account of his 'teaching methods' sent to anyone seeking a recommendation about him ever.

waxing 15 yr olds- no.

162 yrs- That's called 'make the slow kid the scapegoat' or perhaps prosecutorial misconduct.

Burning rubber a right- no.

anger disorder- To call a 'new' childhood anger disorder by a name that gives it the acronym IED is asinine and publicity seeking BS.

cup 'o genes- big deal, if dads get to choose it is A cups for all.

Andy Griffith- RIP. What else would you expect from Glen Beck supporters.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 07/09/12 at 10:30 AM
My opinion may be unpopular, but I have no issue with the waxing ad. By the time I was 15, I had been shaving for a few years. I had hairy legs by the time I was 13. I see no practical difference between allowing shaving and waxing, from the perspective of a parent. It is a simple matter of personal hygiene. Not weird. Just good marketing for that salon, and an attempt to get new customers.
Posted by Anoxos on 07/09/12 at 11:59 AM
@Expat: "Just hit a pillow" from Analyze This!

@Patty: SC allows bikers to go helmetless. Maybe we could combine that with the donut thing and get a twofer. Oh, wait, it's SC. They won't like the Darwinism aspect of that, will they.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 07/09/12 at 12:54 PM
@Scottie: The pillow was for sitting easy after Mom's reasoning with me on the socially inappropriateness of my outbursts.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/09/12 at 12:57 PM
My Mum reasoned with us kids in a similar manner. We had an upright piano, for easier dining under those circumstances.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 07/09/12 at 04:19 PM
Yes I agree waxing one's legs (or other parts for that matter) is much safer than shaving. A good wax lasts 4 weeks. Do you think giving a razor to a 14 year old is a good idea?? Does it really make sense to put sharp metal on your skin?

I think the controversy came from the assumption that a 15 year old girl might be showing her waxed parts to a boy. Just an assumption, and not always the case.
Posted by girlgeniusNYC in los angeles on 07/09/12 at 05:31 PM
Why wouldn't a 14yo be responsible enough to handle a razor? I'm not getting on your case GG but it seems that the trend these last few decades is to remove even the belief that kids can't be, and be held, responsible! The farm family across the road where I grew up had a 5yo that was a good shot with his BB gun. Their 9yo drove the tractor doing chores. We all carried pocket knives (still do) and we all hunted with LETHAL WEAPONS.

Kids need to be taught then held responsible for what they were taught. It's what makes responsible adults.

How did we managed to survive?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/10/12 at 12:40 AM
Helicopter parents are the bane of society.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 07/10/12 at 12:44 AM
It all depends if the 14 year old has Intermittent Explosive Disorder and a razor... : P
Posted by Fluffy Bunny Slippers on 07/10/12 at 02:54 AM
Darwin Award Candidate..... Come on down!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/10/12 at 02:56 AM
GG, my parents thought I was responsible enough to handle a razor before I was 14. And before anyone has any wisecracks to make, I was shaving my face, not my legs. Anyway, kilts look better with hairy legs.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 07/10/12 at 09:04 AM
There's a whole flock of photos on this page that puts a lie to that thought, Scottie.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/10/12 at 09:33 AM
@CannyScot - SC doesn't mind if people do stupid things, thus the phrase "hey y'all, watch this". It's amazing though how many of those bikes with helmetless riders are coming over from surrounding states. We have road cleaning equipment, we welcome them all. Just no burnouts.
Posted by Mini Viking on 07/11/12 at 11:39 AM
Uni-K waxing - unfortunately, I recall being bullied for leg hair of all things when I was younger than that....
Posted by s in BC Canada on 07/11/12 at 01:00 PM
I can, like, totally understand; it gets cold that far north and one needs all the fur they can grow! tongue wink
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/11/12 at 01:32 PM
Commenting is no longer available for this post.