News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 29, 2012
(datelines from May 24 or later) (links correct as of May 29)
★ ★ ★ ★!
It's all right that y'all probably don't read National Enquirer
because that's my
job. It says here in the May 28th issue that ol' Jim Bakker still owes IRS $6m and is now pitching big-ticket apocalypse survival gear to his God-fearing followers, including the Silver Solution Total Body Cleanse Kit ($100), which has an enema element. National Enquirer
Naples, Fla.: Steve Carr, aiming for a surprise pop-the-questioning, buried the engagement ring in the sand on a beach vacation with girlfriend Mary Naam, but then forgot where. He hired a professional sand-digger. (Bonus: Steve is "Dr." Steve Carr, a real-life brain surgeon from Denver.) WZVN-TV
Fremont, Neb.: Mr. Mel and Ms. Joey Schwanke, married 65 yrs, attribute their "success" to the matching outfits they always wear in public (167 sets of his tie custom-matching her dress).
He also wears a badge with "Somebody Please Shoot Me" on it. KETV-TV
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Kentucky has become the second state (after Illinois!) to have a state high school championship in, um, bass-fishing. Yahoo Sports
According to the report by WDAY-TV in Fargo, Chad Lindley, 40, has become the first person ever arrested in North Dakota on the charge of pimping. WDAY-TV
Florida's death toll from child neglect dropped precipitously from 2009 to 2010, a sure sign that
child-welfare people are doing a better job
state bureaucrats have changed the rules for counting "neglect" deaths. Sure enough! Now, when kids die in front of drunk caregivers, it's not "neglect" because "neglect" requires "willfulness." Miami Herald
Transportation Security Administration reports that by 2006 (five years after 9-11), it was still confiscating 500 guns a year from airline travelers. Five years after that, 2011, at least 1,200 travelers didn't get the memo. New York Times
Gothenburg, Sweden: A supposedly disabled-friendly organization, trying to make a point, began selling dolls labeled with a phrase that it says here is roughly the equivalent of "retard." "So much better than a normal retard," this doll is. Maybe the Swedes will get the point. (Bonus: Marion Barry did not get the point. Caught denouncing Asian shopkeepers in his District of Calamity ward, he sorta-apologized, pointing out that the Irish caught hell when they came here, the Jews caught hell, "the Polacks caught hell.") The Local
(Stockholm) /// WTOP Radio
Funny Old World*
Vicar Nick Davis of Cheltenham, England, gets God's message across by breathing fire halfway through his sermons. (It's a gift.) The church is marking Pentecost, where the Holy Spirit descends on Jesus's disciples and "appearing as tongues of flame." BBC News
Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]
Skiatook, Okla.: Do you really think Leonard White is capable of burglary at his age? Tulsa World
Note: It says here this is illegal, and you are warned (no matter how nonsensical this is). A man in Kent, Wash., learned that when noisy brat kids sit behind you in a movie, laugh at you, and throw popcorn, you cannot turn around and slap one in the mouth, knocking out a tooth. It's illegal. Go figure. Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Thanks to Gary Goldberg, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.
(* stolen from Private Eye