News of the Weird Daily Pro (January 21, 2014)

News of the Weird Pro Edition
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Current, Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
January 21, 2014 (But this is in Beta, as they say; just testing)

The Way The World Works: Headline: “Congressional Leaders Suggest Snowden Had Early Help from Russia.” Several paragraphs down: Ummm, the FBI still says he acted alone. (Let’s see, now. How do “Congressional leaders” get their information? Ehh, they hear things, maybe from some NSA pros who called Snowden a jerk for turning the public against the agency, whatever, a little bit of Bachmann in all Congressional leaders. Well, but how does the FBI reach its conclusions? Glad you asked. Investigation, dozens of agents turning Snowden’s life inside out, finding no Russian connection.) New York Times

Strange Ways, But Must Be God's Will: (1) In Mumbai, 18 were accidentally stomped to death by the crowd getting a glimpse of a dead spiritual leader. (2) Kids age 1 and 2 were stabbed to death by a religious extremist in Pakistan Germantown, Md. The extremist was their mother, attempting an exorcism, which, in a way, was successful. New York Times /// CNN

Chuck’s Daily Cite-Seeing Tour

Gulfport, Miss., gives Bob the Opossum a first-class funeral. WLOX-TV (Biloxi)

Carrying $1.3m worth of cocaine through Chicago but violating Illinois’s no-phoning-while-driving law. Toronto Star

Both (drunk) occupants denied driving the car into the ditch, leaving only the dog as possible operator. (OK, no problem.) Tahlequah Daily Press (Tahlequah, Okla.)

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

The Texas auction-winner for the right to hunt a black rhino in Namibia (proceeds going to conservation including saving the remaining black rhinos) said he’s had to hire private security because of all the people who want to kill him so that he won’t hunt that one black rhino. WFAA-TV (Dallas-Fort Worth) via USA Today

The Way The World Works (You Lost)

Urban Legend? Do New Jersey insurance companies import coyotes to kill deer (to reduce deer-car accident claims)? Philadelphia Inquirer

Owner wants to personally rebuild (following Hurricane Sandy) his local landmark grocery store in Saltaire, N.Y., but the town’s poo-bahs want to “condemn” it so that a fancy grocery store can open, instead, and they’re about to eminent-domain the property. It’s good to be a poo-bah. New York Post

The U.S. Supreme Court in 2010 and 2012 said no more “life sentences” for teen-age perps. Florida judges: No problem; we’ll just give ‘em 70 years, OK? New York Times

Strange Old World

From the Brazilian press, what happens when a porcupine falls on a woman in Rio. Nothing to Do with Arbroath

He blows up inner tubes with his nose . . while people stand on them. Four tires in 21 minutes. Reuters via Daily Mirror (London)

A Zimbabwean brought a goblin to the police station to show what his tenant had left him--and apparently sent the brave police scattering out the door. (Bulawayo, Zimbabwe)

Editor's Notes

Erroror: The newspaper in yesterday’s News of the Weird Police Report is not the Home Tribune in Homer, Alaska, but, of course, the Homer Tribune. Duh.

Newsrangers: the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
     Posted By: Chuck - Tue Jan 21, 2014

Snowy Quebecer: Gotta love dumb criminals! The number of serious criminals getting caught in routine traffic stops makes pulling people over for busted stop lights and other such dastardly deeds almost justifiable.

Maryland Exorcism: Apparently, the mother has a history of mental illness, which rather begs a couple of questions: where is the children's father in all of this, and how did both he and the mental health services manage to not notice her?
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 01/21/14 at 07:12 PM
stabbed- Mental health care in the US is deplorable. Since the '80 when Reagan de-funded and closed mental health facilities treatment is hit and miss. There is no oversight to prevent violence from these people till its too late. But hey, they'll watch her now.

nobody driving- Reminds me of the cartoon 'Family Circus' when the kids all said not me and they showed a transparent little boy with not me on his t-shirt.

black rhino- So don't kill the animal and people will leave you alone dude.

Florida- Better than Texas where they just fry 'em.

porcupine- Wow what lousy luck.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 01/21/14 at 08:27 PM
Brazil / Porcupine -- there is an error in the article. Sandra was NOT walking "his" dog, but HER dog. In Portuguese the adjective agrees with the object, it English it agrees with the subject.
Posted by girlgeniusNYC on 01/21/14 at 08:51 PM
Headline Chuck, I think it's time to retire stupid writings of reporters 'cause we've pretty well documented that there just aren't any that know what they're doing any more.

Bob the Opossum 300 appearances in one year?!? That beats that Cyrus chick by a mile.

P.E.T.A. Hires Assassin to Save Rhino Hay, making up weird headlines is FUN!

Saltaire, N.Y. Poo-Bah From time to time the tree of liberty need to be watered with the blood of poo-bahs and patriots.

Life Sentences EightTEEN and you can go to war but you're not old enough to pay for your crime?

Goblin vs Cops And we're trying to impose Western mores on these people?

I like the new format, Chuck.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/22/14 at 01:26 AM
Expat/Headline: you could've left out the "any more". (And yes, I've worked for a newspaper. Not as editor.)
Anyway, how nice to see that the age-old practice of intelligence internecine hatred is still going strong. Now all we need is the CIA to butt in.
Posted by Richard Bos on 01/22/14 at 09:40 AM
And who says we're they haven't any more already?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/22/14 at 09:47 AM
Black rhino was going to be killed anyway because it is aggressive and terrorizing the rest of the herd.

Poobahs in Seattle want to take away a parking lot from an elderly owner to build another parking lot.
Posted by RobK on 01/22/14 at 12:01 PM
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