Non-Cop Cop, Non-Schoolgirl Man, Non-Gun Gun
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday, December 8, 2008
Un-American Christmases
(1) In the Netherlands, enforcement against the list of "naughty" kids is carried out by Zwarte Piet ("Black Pete"), the errant former slave of Sinterklaas (but post-racially, ZP is just a booby-prize-delivering chimney sweep who, unlike Sinter, gets all sooted up when he slides down). (2) In Austria, it's the 7-ft-tall horned devil, Krampus, who roams the countryside swinging chains and switches against the bad kids. SpiegelOnline (12-5-2008) /// SpiegelOnline (12-2-2008)
Comments 'unamerican_christmases'
Christmastime means a more pro-active, micromanaging Lord
(1) Pelahatchie, Miss., student Lashaundra Clanton made classmates uneasy last week as she slipped into tongues and a Linda Blair voice for a couple of days and told 'em when they were going to die (but it wasn't Satan talking because Satan only tells lies, and Lashaundra says she was telling the truth) (2) Ron Mlodzik apparently had God's help winning the Reader's Digest's "Tell Us a Joke" contest (since it was an excruciatingly stupid joke) so he's giving the $3k prize money away to charity: "God played a role in this [so] I'll give it back to God." (3) God came through with help for this F State woman's mounting medical bills: He placed an image of the Virgin Mary on the woman's MRI scan so she can sell it on eBay. WAPT-TV (Jackson, Miss.) /// Kenosha (Wis.) News /// TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Comments 'proactive_christmastime'
Usually, stabbing a guy 39 times would undermine your murder claim of "self-defense"
Eugene Falle, aka Preacher, made it work, though. "I told him just hurry up and die already . . .. So I keep stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him . . .. He wouldn't bleed properly the way he should've bled, according to the movies." Edmonton Journal
Comments '39_stabbings'
Another contender for a news-story Lede of the Year
"A hooker and a Baptist minister having sex in a seedy motel room, where a camera was hidden in a clock radio. A videotape delivered to a radio talk show host by someone wearing oversized glasses, a fake beard, and surgical gloves." And so, another Atlantic City, N.J., official was caught doing something bad, by another Atlantic City, N.J., official doing something bad. Associated Press via The State (Columbia, S.C.)
Comments 'another_lede'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Victor Brown, 35, a suspended cop, was charged with impersonating a cop by checking into a Rosemont, Ill., hotel, telling the clerk he was working undercover vice. But then, apparently, he called down and ordered "lotion and on-demand movies" for his room. Chicago Tribune
Comments 'victor_brown'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Brit Peter Trigger's version: He has a perfect right to dress as he wishes and that he's no harm to anyone. Police version: A 59-yr-old man can't stand around outside the entrance to a primary school, wearing a short skirt with nothing underneath. Evening Telegraph (Kettering, England) [mug] /// The Sun (London) [Trigger in action]
Comments 'peter_trigger'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
People with arthritis in the hand can't grip their Glocks and SIG Sauers properly so a New Jersey company has developed the Palm Pistol gun ("Point and shoot couldn't be easier," the company says). (Bonus: They say it oughta be a medical-assistance device, paid for by Medicare.) New Scientist
In Bonn, Germany, a 54-yr-old man suffered a fatal heart attack inside a porno shop booth [Ed.: but poor news-reporting has deprived us of the name of that video so we could order it ourselves, er, for investigative purposes, of course]. The Local (Berlin)
The good mom, who insists that her teenager stay away from that dangerous street meth . . and use only mom's home-cooked meth. Greensburg (Ind.) Daily News
Comments 'worry_081208'
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
Un-American Christmases
(1) In the Netherlands, enforcement against the list of "naughty" kids is carried out by Zwarte Piet ("Black Pete"), the errant former slave of Sinterklaas (but post-racially, ZP is just a booby-prize-delivering chimney sweep who, unlike Sinter, gets all sooted up when he slides down). (2) In Austria, it's the 7-ft-tall horned devil, Krampus, who roams the countryside swinging chains and switches against the bad kids. SpiegelOnline (12-5-2008) /// SpiegelOnline (12-2-2008)
Comments 'unamerican_christmases'
Christmastime means a more pro-active, micromanaging Lord
(1) Pelahatchie, Miss., student Lashaundra Clanton made classmates uneasy last week as she slipped into tongues and a Linda Blair voice for a couple of days and told 'em when they were going to die (but it wasn't Satan talking because Satan only tells lies, and Lashaundra says she was telling the truth) (2) Ron Mlodzik apparently had God's help winning the Reader's Digest's "Tell Us a Joke" contest (since it was an excruciatingly stupid joke) so he's giving the $3k prize money away to charity: "God played a role in this [so] I'll give it back to God." (3) God came through with help for this F State woman's mounting medical bills: He placed an image of the Virgin Mary on the woman's MRI scan so she can sell it on eBay. WAPT-TV (Jackson, Miss.) /// Kenosha (Wis.) News /// TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Comments 'proactive_christmastime'
Usually, stabbing a guy 39 times would undermine your murder claim of "self-defense"
Eugene Falle, aka Preacher, made it work, though. "I told him just hurry up and die already . . .. So I keep stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him and stabbin' him . . .. He wouldn't bleed properly the way he should've bled, according to the movies." Edmonton Journal
Comments '39_stabbings'
Another contender for a news-story Lede of the Year
"A hooker and a Baptist minister having sex in a seedy motel room, where a camera was hidden in a clock radio. A videotape delivered to a radio talk show host by someone wearing oversized glasses, a fake beard, and surgical gloves." And so, another Atlantic City, N.J., official was caught doing something bad, by another Atlantic City, N.J., official doing something bad. Associated Press via The State (Columbia, S.C.)
Comments 'another_lede'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Victor Brown, 35, a suspended cop, was charged with impersonating a cop by checking into a Rosemont, Ill., hotel, telling the clerk he was working undercover vice. But then, apparently, he called down and ordered "lotion and on-demand movies" for his room. Chicago Tribune
Comments 'victor_brown'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Brit Peter Trigger's version: He has a perfect right to dress as he wishes and that he's no harm to anyone. Police version: A 59-yr-old man can't stand around outside the entrance to a primary school, wearing a short skirt with nothing underneath. Evening Telegraph (Kettering, England) [mug] /// The Sun (London) [Trigger in action]
Comments 'peter_trigger'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
People with arthritis in the hand can't grip their Glocks and SIG Sauers properly so a New Jersey company has developed the Palm Pistol gun ("Point and shoot couldn't be easier," the company says). (Bonus: They say it oughta be a medical-assistance device, paid for by Medicare.) New Scientist
In Bonn, Germany, a 54-yr-old man suffered a fatal heart attack inside a porno shop booth [Ed.: but poor news-reporting has deprived us of the name of that video so we could order it ourselves, er, for investigative purposes, of course]. The Local (Berlin)
The good mom, who insists that her teenager stay away from that dangerous street meth . . and use only mom's home-cooked meth. Greensburg (Ind.) Daily News
Comments 'worry_081208'
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
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