Midwest Division’s Friday Feast:  May, 15 2009

Teacher Fights Graffiti with English Lesson; Milwaukee, Wisc
Responding to the tagger’s query of “Where da bitches at?” teacher Beth Biskobing at South Milwaukee High School posted a bright red 8 ½ x 11 response including “The use of the verb are allows you to write a COMPLETE SENTENCE. (Without it, you have a fragment, of course - missing the predicate of the sentence. The subject is dogs.)” she wrote. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Liquor Thief Leaves Enters Raffle, Loses; Hartford, Wisc

Upon leaving the liquor store the thief, Sean M. Piering, had shoved the liquor bottle in his pants and then filled out a raffle ticket complete with his name and address. He was found at his home drunk and turned over the store’s missing bottles. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Burning Stupidity; Wheeling Ill
A man in Wheeling, Illinois was cited for “open burning.” He was burning construction debris at a construction site only ten feet from a truck with an external fuel tank. Chicago Tribune

3,000 Gather for Shiny New Lincoln Pennies; Lincoln Ind
An estimated 3,000 people (presumably numismatists and Lincoln fans) showed up at Lincoln State Park in Lincoln, Indiana to get rolls of pennies with a picture of Lincoln reading a book while taking a break from rail splitting on the back. The penny is to commemorate the 14 years Lincoln spent living in a frontier town in Indiana. Indy Star

Hammer Vs. Screwdriver Fight Ends in Ear Biting; Kenosha, WI

Kenosha Police arrested Antoine K. Parks after an argument escalated into a fight and ended in a Tyson-style ear biting. The victim alleges that Antoine came after him with a hammer and he picked up a screwdriver in response. In the struggle, it is alleged, that Antoine bit off part of the mans ear. Mayhem charges are pending. Kenosha News

Ex Gov. Blago Shampoo: It’s Bleep’n Golden; Elk Grove Village, Ill
A new product available from makers in Elk Grove Village, Ill: Blago shampoo and conditioner. The shampoo is advertised as “volumizing for really big hair” and “it’s bleep’n golden!” Editorial Comment: I think this is the way to go if you want hair that looks like a Lego man. Blago Hair Blalegovich
     Posted By: chris_cantwell - Fri May 15, 2009
     Category: Midwest Divisions Friday Feast

Teacher Fights Graffiti: Ah, I do loves me a grammar nazi - or as I read on a t-shirt, bad grammar makes me [sic].
Posted by shadowkat on 05/15/09 at 11:19 PM
First, I wanted to say thank you to Kenosha News, my hometown paper, for writing an article about the oral removal of an earlobe including a hand-tool fight. It's almost as good as the guy who fell into the industrial chipper and fertilized a lawn with himself. (kids this is why you buy life insurance)

Also, now I cannot think of Blago without thinking Lego! Oh man. I am going to have to go Lego shopping now.

Does anyone else think it's weird that the penny says "In god we trust" with a picture of Lincoln on it? What a marketing campaign for Lincoln if you ask me. Now, we can have a penny with "God" resting and reading a good book.
Posted by chris_cantwell in Trevor, WI on 05/15/09 at 11:21 PM
teacher- funny and cool. but lets hope these are just some bored kids and not gang members. gangs retaliate against people who fool with their tags. it's a dangerous world.

thief- stupid is as stupid does. he can't even say he was drunk at the time.

burning- he was 10 whole feet away from the truck, what could pos...BOOM! oh...

pennies from heaven- i'd spend 'em, free money! hey 50 cents is 50 cents!

fight- everybody knows you don't bring a hammer to a screwdriver fight! the poor guy was out gunned so he had to resort to bitting to even the playing field.

shampoo- who wants anything with that guy's name on it. i prefer weebles to legos! 'cuz weebles wabble but they don't fall down. (unlike bad politicians who fall all the time)
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 05/16/09 at 10:38 AM
Burning - Psssh, lightweight. I once saw a landscaper, sitting on top of a dumptruck sized load of palm fronds, a gas powered clipper on his lap, smoking a cigarette. Epic. 😝
Posted by Jmonkeh on 05/18/09 at 01:59 PM
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