[News] It’s Your Call, Kid

The title is from the Globe & Mail's story yesterday about the "consensual living" philosophy as it applies to your little urchins, who are presumed, even the toddlers, to be rational people with at least substantially well-developed senses of perspective. CL says every family member's needs are equally valid, regardless of age. No reward and punishment, no coercion, direct or indirect. Everybody–even the babbling 2-yr-old—is assumed to be in command of himself and to know what's good for him (or to realize that some decisions are beyond his 2-yr-old brain but that he'll have the sense to raise the issue politely with the other members of the family). The Globe & Mail's lede: Savannah Leavey, 6, has worn her Halloween cat costume all the time (except for washing) every day for nearly six months, and mom's fine with this (though mom sounds like she's got an issue or two, herself). Not sure how many devotees there are, but the Yahoo Group has 900 members.
Core Principles:
(1) Everyone's wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age.
(2) Children can be trusted to know their own minds and bodies.
(3) Punishments and rewards are tools of manipulation, unneeded when family members work as a team.
(4) There is a creative solution that works for everyone.
(5) Each family member has a positive intent and desires harmony.
(6) When all are secure that their needs will be met, they will branch out and help others meet their needs.

Globe & Mail (Toronto) /// Consensual-Living.com

Today's Newsrangers: Robert Ward, Garrett Kiefer, Joe Church
     Posted By: Chuck - Wed Apr 01, 2009

I've been wearing my cat costume to work for well over a year now and no one has said anything. Or, at least I couldn't hear them.

Posted by Pablo on 04/01/09 at 03:47 PM
I can think of a billion teenagers who would totally love to live like this ... they know everything anyway.
Posted by Nethie on 04/01/09 at 06:35 PM
Ok, as a mom of a 10 year old and a 3 year old I can tell you right now that kids don't know SQUAT. My 10 year old wants to stay home alone every day this summer (um, no) and my 3 year old would eat donuts for every meal if I let her (um, no). It's my job as a parent to give them rules and structure, and a good swift kick in the butt when it's warranted.
Posted by KW in Dallas, TX on 04/01/09 at 08:49 PM
that has to be a typo patty, surely. KW didn't mean it! :lol:
Posted by Nethie on 04/01/09 at 11:18 PM
Patty, remember your mantra; I'm not a cop. I'm not a cop. I'm not a cop. Now go to your happy place and relax.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 04/01/09 at 11:54 PM
Not only do I not allow donuts 3x a day, I make my kids eat veggies! I know, I know, my kids are going to grow up happy, healthy, and well adjusted. I'm awful.
Posted by KW in Dallas, TX on 04/02/09 at 09:12 AM
I'm in total agreement with you KW. My kids are 6 and 1. These "guidelines" make me horrible parent. I don't let my kids eat junk unless they have already eaten some fruit and veggies, there are clear rules and boundaries, good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is punished. Anyone who has taken a baic psychology class knows that the first behaviors that develop in children are self-gratification, which is a good survival tactic for an infant to get its needs met, but other behaviors need to be taught. "Consensual living" is a recipie for disaster. My rant is over now, I feel better.
Posted by Matt in Florida on 04/02/09 at 09:56 AM
According to my parents the purpose of having children was so you would have someone to do all the house and yard work! Okay, maybe not, but it felt that way growing up. Did we want to spend hours a day doing that stuff? No! Would we have been off getting into untold amount of trouble had we not been busy doing that stuff? You bet your ass we would have!
Posted by Jules in Connecticut on 04/02/09 at 12:29 PM
Mine are 8, 10, and 12, and Im sure they would LOVE to be out from under dad's rule if they could. I dont even want to think about how bad my 10 year old would smell if he didnt have to change his underwear and socks every day. This was thought up by some one who had no kids and followed by people who dont understant that if you bring children into this world, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure they do not become a parasite on society. And Ex-Pat, what if Patty's happy place is a Dunkies?
Posted by Silbakor in an altered state on 04/02/09 at 12:36 PM
Jules, your comment reminded me of a comedian I once saw. I'll paraphrase.

"Sure I get those maternal instincts, just like any woman. Sometimes I lie there on the couch, watching a show about mothers, and I think to myself 'Christ, I can't reach the remote. Honey, hand mommy the remote. Thanks, sweetie, now go run and get mommy a beer.'"
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 04/02/09 at 01:14 PM
I suspect Patty's happy place is on the big ass couch with DownCrisis. Of course, I will be video taping the 'therapy' session. Watch for it on Ebay. A copy will be availabler to all WU'ers for a nominal fee.. :cheese:
Posted by Skitt in SW USA on 04/02/09 at 05:53 PM
Taping it? I thought you'd be with us! Just set up the camera and make your way over. Slowly. Seductively.

Posted by DownCrisis on 04/02/09 at 11:33 PM
oooh DownCrisis ~ I thought I was just there to take notes. I like your idea way better .. practicing my slow, seductive moves... 😊
Posted by Skitt in SW USA on 04/03/09 at 05:46 PM
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