News of the Weird 2.0 (July 2, 2012)
News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 2, 2012
(datelines from June 1 or later) (links correct as of July 2)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Somkul Village, Cambodia: Finally, a slam-dunk victory for Christianity: The Jurai indigenous people have given up on spirit-worship and turned to Jesus. Reason: The spirits demand too many cows, buffaloes, and trinkets. Phnom Penh Post
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Washington, D.C.: Miniature golf was a simple game . . until Americans With Disabilities Act bureaucrats got hold of it. New rules govern the slopes of the "fairways," length of fibers for artificial turf, and more. OpenMarket.org
Washington, D.C.: Forget tomato-pickers and lawn maintenance people for a minute. America needs immigrant "geniuses" and those with special skills and has given them line-jumping visas. That's why Playboy's Miss November 2010 got one. Reuters
Alexandria, Va.: Pity the head of the poor Flight Safety Foundation. The U.S. hasn't had a large jetliner crash in 11 years, which, William Voss says, is terrible. "If anyone wants to advance safety through regulation, it can't be done without further loss of life [to get the public frightened again]." Bloomberg News
Mesa, Ariz.: Sarah Robles is the strongest woman in America. She could probably juggle two of your scrawny asses. But Nike and Gatorade and those guys don't return her calls (sending her at times to food stamps) because she's un-svelte, looking like you imagine she looks. Buzzfeed.com
Baton Rouge, La.: Finally, U.S. job stimulus . . in Scotland. Loch Ness attractions are expecting a surge now that Louisiana has adopted public funding of Christian fundamentalist schools, whose texts use Nessie as lock-down evidence that evolution is hooey. The Herald (Glasgow)
New York City: In monthly gatherings of the Innard Circle, food adventurers explore restaurants that serve body parts you wouldn't dare eat (except the uterus, which they admit they haven't gotten around to). (Bonus: The Circle is another pastime of Daniel Okrent, who basically invented fantasy sports.) Wall Street Journal
New York City: Bad enough that The 1 Percent have enough money to build mansionettes in their back yards for their dogs. Worse than that: Their dogs never go near them; they're just for show. New York Times
Funny Old World*
Mumbai, India: A new world record (maybe): A 5-inch worm, wriggling around the eyeball. New York Daily News
Sao Paulo, Brazil: Anything to improve drinkers' aim is good, such as a portable fretboard to lay in a urinal so that, if your stream is strong enough, musical notes are played. (Yr Editor, at age 67, plays only dirges.) (Bonus: In several Michigan counties, federally funded talking urinal cakes were distributed to bars in the run-up to July 4th, with chips telling wasted drinkers to call a taxi . . or an ambulance, considering that you're probably hammered and yet you believe you're being lectured to by a urinal cake.) The Atlantic /// Associated Press via Detroit Free Press
More Things to Worry About
Vaughn, N.Mex.: 500 residents, two police officers . . neither of whom can legally carry a gun. KOB-TV (Albuquerque)
Port St. Lucie, Fla.: A neighborhood confrontation ended with this sentiment (according to the police report): Robert Gernot, 54, angry that the neighbor had called his mother "a dirty whore," said he'd deal with the man shortly, but unfortunately, right that moment, he had to go take a dump. (Bonus: Reporter's Super-Explanatory Journalism: "Mothers typically do not like being called dirty whores.") TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Thanks to Sam Dillon, Mark Claxton, and Peter Smagorinsky and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 2, 2012
(datelines from June 1 or later) (links correct as of July 2)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Somkul Village, Cambodia: Finally, a slam-dunk victory for Christianity: The Jurai indigenous people have given up on spirit-worship and turned to Jesus. Reason: The spirits demand too many cows, buffaloes, and trinkets. Phnom Penh Post
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Washington, D.C.: Miniature golf was a simple game . . until Americans With Disabilities Act bureaucrats got hold of it. New rules govern the slopes of the "fairways," length of fibers for artificial turf, and more. OpenMarket.org
Washington, D.C.: Forget tomato-pickers and lawn maintenance people for a minute. America needs immigrant "geniuses" and those with special skills and has given them line-jumping visas. That's why Playboy's Miss November 2010 got one. Reuters
Alexandria, Va.: Pity the head of the poor Flight Safety Foundation. The U.S. hasn't had a large jetliner crash in 11 years, which, William Voss says, is terrible. "If anyone wants to advance safety through regulation, it can't be done without further loss of life [to get the public frightened again]." Bloomberg News
Mesa, Ariz.: Sarah Robles is the strongest woman in America. She could probably juggle two of your scrawny asses. But Nike and Gatorade and those guys don't return her calls (sending her at times to food stamps) because she's un-svelte, looking like you imagine she looks. Buzzfeed.com
Baton Rouge, La.: Finally, U.S. job stimulus . . in Scotland. Loch Ness attractions are expecting a surge now that Louisiana has adopted public funding of Christian fundamentalist schools, whose texts use Nessie as lock-down evidence that evolution is hooey. The Herald (Glasgow)
New York City: In monthly gatherings of the Innard Circle, food adventurers explore restaurants that serve body parts you wouldn't dare eat (except the uterus, which they admit they haven't gotten around to). (Bonus: The Circle is another pastime of Daniel Okrent, who basically invented fantasy sports.) Wall Street Journal
New York City: Bad enough that The 1 Percent have enough money to build mansionettes in their back yards for their dogs. Worse than that: Their dogs never go near them; they're just for show. New York Times
Funny Old World*
Mumbai, India: A new world record (maybe): A 5-inch worm, wriggling around the eyeball. New York Daily News
Sao Paulo, Brazil: Anything to improve drinkers' aim is good, such as a portable fretboard to lay in a urinal so that, if your stream is strong enough, musical notes are played. (Yr Editor, at age 67, plays only dirges.) (Bonus: In several Michigan counties, federally funded talking urinal cakes were distributed to bars in the run-up to July 4th, with chips telling wasted drinkers to call a taxi . . or an ambulance, considering that you're probably hammered and yet you believe you're being lectured to by a urinal cake.) The Atlantic /// Associated Press via Detroit Free Press
More Things to Worry About
Vaughn, N.Mex.: 500 residents, two police officers . . neither of whom can legally carry a gun. KOB-TV (Albuquerque)
Port St. Lucie, Fla.: A neighborhood confrontation ended with this sentiment (according to the police report): Robert Gernot, 54, angry that the neighbor had called his mother "a dirty whore," said he'd deal with the man shortly, but unfortunately, right that moment, he had to go take a dump. (Bonus: Reporter's Super-Explanatory Journalism: "Mothers typically do not like being called dirty whores.") TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Thanks to Sam Dillon, Mark Claxton, and Peter Smagorinsky and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)
Comments
No, I'm NOT going to look at the 5 inch-worm link.
Posted by Jeroen on 07/02/12 at 08:44 AM
Nessie: First off, I believe. How Nessie proves that creationism is correct is not obvious to me, but then, I can read, write, and count past ten while still wearing shoes. Of course, I did grow up in a country where marrying first cousins is legal, and which has a dentistry reputation equal to none, *and* I speak fluent French. So maybe I can still move to Louisiana.
Sarah Robles: OK, she doesn't look like a girly-girl while she's hoisting 133 kg over her head, but then, who would? In the pictures of her while she's not lifting, she's quite pretty. Not that that ought to be a requirement for getting sponsorships, but, unfortunately, it is.
Vaughn, NM: I would like to point out that, despite appearances from the article, that New Mexico is *not* in the Deep South.
Talent visa: if you're smart enough to play the system for a visa, sounds like you qualified right there.
Sarah Robles: OK, she doesn't look like a girly-girl while she's hoisting 133 kg over her head, but then, who would? In the pictures of her while she's not lifting, she's quite pretty. Not that that ought to be a requirement for getting sponsorships, but, unfortunately, it is.
Vaughn, NM: I would like to point out that, despite appearances from the article, that New Mexico is *not* in the Deep South.
Talent visa: if you're smart enough to play the system for a visa, sounds like you qualified right there.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 07/02/12 at 09:09 AM
The Jurai Wait till they see the collection plate and the tithing envelopes come around!
Miss November Genius comes in many guises. Some are just better looking than others.
Sarah Robles This "scrawny ass" is tipping the scales at 110kg so she only get one of me (if she can catch me). :ohh:
Red Stick, LA I've got new for them! Click Here
5in Worm Tom Mason had the same problem. It's aliens!
Miss November Genius comes in many guises. Some are just better looking than others.
Sarah Robles This "scrawny ass" is tipping the scales at 110kg so she only get one of me (if she can catch me). :ohh:
Red Stick, LA I've got new for them! Click Here
5in Worm Tom Mason had the same problem. It's aliens!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/02/12 at 09:18 AM
"The spirits demand too many cows, buffaloes, and trinkets." -- Economic salvation wins again.
Min. golf: Seriously, I want to build the most outrageous miniature golf course in the world, doing everything they say we can't. (Except for the handicapped-friendly holes, of course -- I'm not agin' handicapped access, just ol' Big Nanny.)
Miss November: Image and video search provide us with more than adequate proof of these "extraordinary abilities." Praise the web!
Nellie proof: Okay, that's weird, even for Creationists. I wonder, is her existence or lack thereof the proof? I'll go read the article. Naw, y'know what, I don't wonder that much.
1 Nessie 3:17 And behold, verily, the Creators dood tooketh the snake what had beeneth in the Garden, blowedth him up real big, gave him swim fins, and plonked him in Scotland as punishment.
No, I'm NOT going to look at the 5 inch-worm link, either!
Min. golf: Seriously, I want to build the most outrageous miniature golf course in the world, doing everything they say we can't. (Except for the handicapped-friendly holes, of course -- I'm not agin' handicapped access, just ol' Big Nanny.)
Miss November: Image and video search provide us with more than adequate proof of these "extraordinary abilities." Praise the web!
Nellie proof: Okay, that's weird, even for Creationists. I wonder, is her existence or lack thereof the proof? I'll go read the article. Naw, y'know what, I don't wonder that much.
1 Nessie 3:17 And behold, verily, the Creators dood tooketh the snake what had beeneth in the Garden, blowedth him up real big, gave him swim fins, and plonked him in Scotland as punishment.
No, I'm NOT going to look at the 5 inch-worm link, either!
Posted by A Mindful Webworker on 07/02/12 at 03:55 PM
Hey, I think you need to close the italics after "Private Eye." The page is full of Italians. 😛
Posted by A Mindful Webworker on 07/02/12 at 03:58 PM
All fixed!
Posted by Paul on 07/02/12 at 08:56 PM
Christians- You beat me to the tithing remark Expat, darn it!
miniature golf- Even the best ideas in gov. seem to go to far.
VISAs- Its all about sex and money all the time.
Flight Safety- What a moron.
Sara Robles- It does not matter what you can do only how you look. Its a sad world we live in.
Christian Fundamentalists- Again, its a sad world we live in.
worm- Look into my eye!
Vaughn NM- Even Barney could carry a gun (unloaded of course but still) geesh!
Yo mama- I guess the guy wasn't worth a sh!t.
I hope your eye is better Chuck, and that no worms are involved!
miniature golf- Even the best ideas in gov. seem to go to far.
VISAs- Its all about sex and money all the time.
Flight Safety- What a moron.
Sara Robles- It does not matter what you can do only how you look. Its a sad world we live in.
Christian Fundamentalists- Again, its a sad world we live in.
worm- Look into my eye!
Vaughn NM- Even Barney could carry a gun (unloaded of course but still) geesh!
Yo mama- I guess the guy wasn't worth a sh!t.
I hope your eye is better Chuck, and that no worms are involved!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 07/02/12 at 09:43 PM
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