News of the Weird 2.0 (June 10, 2013)

News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 10, 2013
(datelines June 1-June 8) (links correct as of June 9)
© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Another Breatharian Sees the Light: Seattle’s Navenna Shine says the only reason there aren’t more “breatharians” (no food intake, just air and sun) is that everybody assumes it doesn’t work--that practitioners always sneak Doritos from time to time. She says she has she set up a full video-surveillance household to prove that, when she beats it, it’ll be legitimate. She’s 30 days into it, she said, and she’s still among the living. The leading theoretician, a woman named Ellen Greve, is mysteriously still alive so she must’ve gone off the wagon at some point, but little is known. (Bonus musing: Why would anyone dependent on sunlight choose to live in Seattle?) Gawker /// Wikipedia

It’s the law in Texas that you’re allowed to fire at will at anyone trespassing in your home at night--or are trying to recover property in your home, even when it’s a hooker who took your money, then declined to put out. Hence, a jury found Ezekiel Gilbert not guilty of murder. San Antonio Express-News

Unclear on the Concept: Prominent poet-artist Kenneth Goldsmith is apparently going ahead with his July 26-August 30 project to, um, print out the Internet. His intention is to honor the late information-freeing god Aaron Swartz, but still . . ..

The gourmet lollipop company Lollyphile of Austin, Tex., has introduced breast-milk-flavored suckers. Said the owner, “We’d like to think that we’re tapping into a flavor our customers loved before they even knew how to think.” Huffington Post

More Things to Worry About

Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Nikolas Chugay introduced a torturous weight-loss treatment (good for 30 lbs. in one month, but no renewals) consisting to sewing a piece of plastic gauze onto the tongue that makes eating so painful that you can only drink Ensures. There are no renewals because anything longer than a month risks the tongue’s growing over the gauze. World’s Greatest Newspaper

As if IRS didn’t have enough to worry about, its Inspector General for Tax Administration admitted to Congress that people filing for low-income tax credits are free to cheat. Even though IRS disburses about $13.6bn to them, which is just about its annual administration budget, it’s not cost-effective to chase such low-level cheats. CNS News

Robert Dugan, 47, became one of those rare police officers who managed to get himself arrested for impersonating a police officer. (Oh, and as long as we’re on ironies, ummm, last week’s Earth Wind & Fire concert in Virginia was postponed because of “rain,” and a couple who had been hosting “In Pursuit of Happiness” on WBAI Radio in New York City committed suicide.) Delaware County Daily Times /// Pavilion Concerts /// New York Daily News

The Aristocrats!

Cynthis Siau, 60, stabbed the hell out of her new husband (while arguing over the TV remote) and was also charged with resisting arrest with violence resisting arrests with incontinence. WRDW-TV (Augusta, Ga.)

The delightful Moore family of Mason, Ohio, showed a lady friend of Shena Moore just what they do to women who send texts to Shena’s boyfriend. They try to cut off his texting fingers with pruning shears. Among the perps: Shena’s dad, the full-appetited Gerald Moore Jr., 49, who used his cane. (Bonus: mugshots!) Mason Buzz via World’s Greatest Newspaper

Here’s the normal-looking Gerardo Perez, charged with having sex with a pit bull. (Bonus: “He was allegedly on his hands and knees on the side of the dog, appearing to have just had sex with the animal, prosecutors said.) (“Appearing”? Like smoking a cigarette?) WMAQ-TV (Chicago)

Weekly Cite-Seeing

Far-Right Extremists Chased Through London by Women Dressed as Badgers --- International Business Times (London)

Man, 66, Goes to Doctor and Finds He’s a Woman --- South China Morning Post

Secret Man Caves Found in EPA Warehouse --- Government Executive LINK CORRECTED

Homeless Man Claimed “Adverse Possession” of Home, Along with Beer and Kid Inside --- South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Strange Old World

First prize last week in the Swedish pizza championships, which drew some of the top chefs in the country, was “Karlsson” of the restaurant Speceriet, with a pie topped with pickled cabbage, sour cream, and smoked beef bone marrow. The Local (Stockholm)

How Veddy British! Carole Longhorn found a WWII bomb in her godden, and eventually the bomb squad came to take care of it, but first, Carole felt she had to wash it off in the sink. (Said hubby Clive, to reporters: “You can imagine what I said to her.”) BBC News

The Brazilian health ministry, apparently as concerned as Americans and British are about how to cure low self-esteem, now say they might have gone too far. They’re dropping their anti-STD campaign that featured “I’m happy being a prostitute.” BBC News

The local council in Brunete, Spain, 20 miles from Madrid, has now seen a radical drop in unscooped dog poop after 147 parcels went out recently. Volunteers who spotted derelict owners innocently engaged them in conversation (“what’s your doggy’s name?”), then matched the dog with town registrations, then mailed the poop to the owner (as “lost property”). Genius! Daily Telegraph (London)

Newsrangers: Hal Dunham and Bruce Leiserowitz, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Jun 10, 2013

Navenna Shine: Lived in Seattle May-Nov 1987. There was a drought complete with water restrictions. What a great summer!

Earth, Wind and Fire: Water quit before they became popular and now like Pete Best, regrets it.

Man, 66, Goes to Doctor and Finds He’s a Woman: Shouldn't that be filed under sounds like a joke? As in:
Young Man: "Are you a real Cowboy?"
Cowboy: "Well sonny, I thought I was, but I just found out...I'm a lesbian."

Swedish Pizza Championship: Being an Ami in Europe I find that I am often defending the right to interpret what is pizza. This close to Italy there are a lot of people with extremely narrow views concerning crust thickness and toppings. However, the Swedes are in a class of their own - I hope.
Posted by Billy on 06/10/13 at 07:54 AM
Sunfed in Seatle I claim the movie rights when what'er'face fades into the light.

Texas Law One crime at a time beache!

Printing the Internet Hay, if anyone sees my website getting printed give me a shout! 15% finder's fee with I sue the dumb sun-on-the-beach!

Gourmet Gollipop I'm sorry to hear that they don't remember!

Tongue Tied No Swiss Pizza?

I.R.S. Don't get me started! There ain't enough pixels in this netbook!

Cynthis Siau Jeeze! You'd think that by 60 she've known that the remote is a guy thing! It's in the bible!

Happy Pitbull Who knew they had a kinder-gentler side?

Swedish Pizza Disregard previous reference to same.

WWII Bomb "Egad, Mother, need you do that in the house? What! What!"

Doggie Doo You couldn't do this in the USofA... Hazardous material.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/10/13 at 08:48 AM
The link for the "Secret Man Caves Found in EPA Warehouse" sends you to the Hong Kong shemale article. Someone forgot to modify it after copying the previous entry. Can you post the correct link, please?
Posted by Mike on 06/10/13 at 08:54 AM
Google it! #1 hit.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/10/13 at 01:43 PM
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