News of the Weird 2.0 (May 20, 2013)

News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 20, 2013
(datelines May 11-May 18) (links correct as of May 19)
© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Among the trailing news about Angelina Jolie’s surgery was that the cancer test everyone in her position would take costs at least $4,000 in the U.S., primarily because one company, Myriad Genetics, owns the patent to her two gene mutations (which were created by, y’know, the Lord or whatever). Yr Editor guesses that other companies will eventually own all other significant gene mutations. USA! USA!

John Currin, 51, according to a Los Angeles Times critic, is arguably the most “successful and provocative painter of his generation,” and as if to prove the point, Christie’s auction house just got $1.9m for his 1991 “Bea Arthur Naked.” It’s a young Bea Arthur, and a fairly firm Bea Arthur (if you get my drift), and it’s Not Safe For Work, and it’s at the link (scroll down). NBC News

Perspective: The Florida senate was ready to negotiate over accepting Obamacare money to upgrade Medicaid; the Florida governor was ready to sign the bill (after an about-face); but the Florida house still turned down the money, killing health insurance for about a million poor people. Then the same Florida house, moving to more urgent matters, refused to increase its own members’ health insurance premiums for their “cadillac” plan beyond the current $8.34/month (versus $50 a month all other state employees pay, including senators) (and higher for “family coverage”). The speaker of the house agreed that that didn’t smell good and promised to look into the matter . . next year. (They’ve gone home for 2013.) Tampa Bay Times

More Things to Worry About

The Food and Drug Administration is cracking down on the number of “mites” (new rule: not more than 6 per square inch) in imported cheese, and lovers of French Mimolette are furious because they love their cheese “alive,” i.e., crawling. (All cheeses have molds, bacteria, yeasts, and/or mites, but for Mimolette, apparently the crawlier, the better.) NPR

A recent report from Seattle had a guy flying a noisy drone outside someone’s bedroom window, which is maybe legal--unless it’s not. A U.S. Supreme Court decision declared that “air is a public highway,” but that was 1946. To add to the creepiness, he told a passerby that he was shooting video from the drone directly to his eyeglasses, but then he fled before cops arrived. /// Capitol Hill Seattle

Black-Market Disney Tour Guides: If you know someone who knows someone, you can rent a guide to Disney World who’s also, say, wheelchair-bound, which means he and up to six “family or friends” get preferential entry to any attraction on the lot. The privilege is not supposed to cover commercial arrangements, but if y’all keep your stories straight, you can pull it off. (Update: Disney says it reads the New York Post and that it’s investigating.) (And it’s a hot topic on the Disney fan boards.) New York Post /// [for Disney-holics]

The United Nations’s primary multilateral forum for negotiating arms control agreements (its Conference on Disarmament) will be chaired from May 27-June 23 by, umm, Iran. Seriously. Fox News

The San Francisco restaurant Bacon Bacon was ordered to close by health officials because neighbors were being driven to ecstasy by the perpetual heavenly fragrance of bacon complained about the smell of bacon. San Francisco Examiner

The Aristocrats!

New York City Assemblyman Vito Lopez (who will resign later today) has a special prosecutor on his case of corruption and other bad conduct, even though he’s now a candidate for mayor. Among the charges: He pressured some lady staffers to rub the tumors on his neck. New York Daily News

Not the Usual Suspect: Arrested in two incidents of sticking his video-enabled iPhone into his shoe and shoving it under a partition in the changing room in a Greenwich Village boutique: Prof. Ross Finocchio, 34, an art-history superstar at NYU. New York Post

Non-superstar John Allison, 41, was arrested in Massena, N.Y., after allegedly getting caught on grocery store video surveillance rubbing a pepperoni on his exposed thinger and slipping it (the pepperoni) back on the shelf. Watertown Daily News

Weekly Cite-Seeing

Police Say Man Sexually Abused His Peacock --- WMAQ-TV (Chicago) [bonus: not a euphemism]

Study: Muscle Men More Politically Conservative ---

Mysterious Poop Foam Causes Explosions on Hog Farms --- Mother Jones

Butcher BB Ranch Is Feeding Marijuana to Pigs ---

KFC Smugglers Bring Buckets of Chicken Through Gaza Tunnels --- Christian Science Monitor

Strange Old World

A construction company building a road in Belize apparently considered itself lucky that so much crushed rock was readily available near the work site. Backhoes and bulldozers attacked the rocks--except that that rock “pile” was a 2,300-yr-old Mayan pyramid. (Bonus: Apparently it’s far from the first time Mayan structures in Belize have turned utilitarian.) Associated Press via Washington Post

No one doubts that the White House has had a rough couple of weeks, but so did a local land resources bureau in China a while back, and they cleared everything up with . . feng shui! Just build a wall in front of those stone lions that were causing all the trouble, and . . problem solved! Other suggestions for Mr. Obama: re-schedule meetings for auspicious times and pick people with good birthdates for leadership roles. In China, though, there is the Communist Party, which abhors all spirituality, and some feng shui-ers are now off to jail. New York Times

Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]

Accused burglar Michael Maxwell, 19, probably can’t get a fair trial until the swelling goes down. (The home was occupied, and there were fists and a Taser.) Florida Today (Melbourne)

Prosecutor’s Dream: Gary Gray, 42, will have to try harder (harder than he did in this mug shot) to raise “reasonable doubt” that he committed first-degree sexual assault against a 10-yr-old girl. Connecticut Post

Newsrangers: David Henshaw, John McGaw, Peter Smagorinsky, and Sandy Pearlman, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon May 20, 2013

Hooterotomy Just for the record.... I own my own jeans.

John Currin Oh, gasp and horror! Someone actually painted a pair of titties? How unique!

Florida Politics Oh, gasp and horror! Politicians thinking they're more deserving than everyone else! How unique!

French Mimolette Then, let them eat cake!

Disney Tour Guides Rent yourself a scooter, it's cheaper and you get to ride!

United Nations :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Prof. Ross The boy needs to go paint a hooter.

John Allison This is actually an old, very secret Sicilian method of enlarging ones, ah.... ahem.... sausage.

Abused His Peacock A peahen, just to hear her scream if fine but abusing a peacock is just fowl!

Poop Foam Holy Sh1T, Pigman!

Feeding MJ to Pigs Fortified bacon on a shelf near you soon!

Jury Duty
#1: Battery charges? What did he do hit the owner's fist with his face?
#2: Must'a snuck up on her in the dark!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/20/13 at 10:13 AM
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