News of the Weird / Pro Edition (October 3, 2011)

News of the Weird/Pro Edition
You're Still Not Cynical Enough

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
October 3, 2011
(datelines September 24-October 1) (links correct as of October 3, 2011)

Why America Needs to Give South Korea a Wedgie, plus More Things to Worry About

★ ★ ★ ★!

South Koreans always stomp American kids in reading and math. In Seoul, they actually had to put a 10 p.m. curfew on coaching-school sessions, lest schoolkids study all night long, too. It's "the country's culture of educational masochism," writes Time. In fact, the government actually had to raid all-night study classes that cover their windows after 10. (Bonus: Even the coaching schools are selective, basing acceptance of students on test scores.) (Double Bonus: American reformers say U.S. schools ought to get tougher, like Asian schools, but Asian reformers say their schools ought to relax more, like American schools!) Time

For fashion week in London, Rachel Freire herewith presents her dress made with, um, 3,000, um, cow nipples. To resounding denunciation by animal-rights protesters, Freire asserts that she's just using "scrap[s]" that would be tossed out anyway, that she got from a tannery, that she's "recycling." "The people criticizing are clearly clueless about the amount of leather wasted on a daily basis." (Ignored in all the brouhaha: Why would someone make a dress out of nipples, anyway?)

One Russian lunatic in no danger of being put away by the government: Mother Fotina, 62, who believes she is Joan of Arc reincarnated and that Vladimir Putin is St. Paul, and she has quite a following. (Spiegel Online: "Polls show 57 percent of Russians notice 'signs of a Putin cult' in the country.") Says Mother, "God has appointed Putin to Russia to prepare for the coming of Jesus Christ." Spiegel Online

The annual Ig Nobel prizes were announced in Cambridge, Mass., and we learned from research that people make either better--or worse (it depends)--decisions when they have to pee; that high achievers procrastinate like everyone else except that their distractions need to be more important than those of low achievers; and that certain kinds of beetles will mistakenly try to mate with a certain kind of Australian beer bottle. Pastor Harold Camping and five other sages shared the Mathematics prize for their complex historical calculations (mostly Biblical) assuring us that we shouldn't be here today. Huffington Post

As America's Apple is to consumer electronics, Japan's Toto is to crappers. Herewith is Toto's latest: a motorcycle that runs on the rider's doodoo. (It's a demo to show the stretch of sustainable, CO2-reducing technology.) Tokyomango blog [link from BoingBoing]


Chattanooga (Tenn.) Municipal Airport officials, seeking a catchier brand name, hired Big Communications of Birmingham for the huge bucks to come up with one. New, improved name: "Chattanooga Airport." Times Free Press (Chattanooga)

The Omnipotence of Social-Networking: A 19-year-old Brit used Facebook to trawl for kids for naked photos and propositioned one for sex. He was sentenced to three years' supervised probation and placed on the sex-offenders' list but the judge would not ban him from online networking because the kid needed the "social traffic" enjoyed by his peers. (Facebook, of course, booted him as a sex offender, but there are others.) Daily Mail

'Bama Justice: Death-Row Cory Maples at least has one chance for U.S. Supreme Court review . . or at least he had one chance but not anymore . . because his high-powered pro bono lawyers quit the case, and the state of Alabama never quite got around to telling Maples until it was too late to file. Now Maples has to beg the Court to listen to him, anyway. [Justice sucks, but the Crimson Tide football team is highly efficient!] Washington Post

Savoir faire: Wasatch County, Utah, deputies finally got the 20-year-old guy fleeing the traffic stop to give up--despite the guy's actually calling 911 to tell the deputies they "needed to leave him alone." KSL-TV (Salt Lake City)


The exceptionally unimaginative Charles Burnett, 29, was arrested after robbing the same midtown-Manhattan Sovereign bank branch for the third time in three days. (Bonus: Looks like he used first two days' loot to hire a limo service for the third job.) New York Post

OK For Me But Not For Thee: (1) The New Orleans Police Dept's "integrity control officer" for the division that reviews red-light tickets was (allegedly) caught making his personal license plate unreadable to red-light cameras. (2) KTRK-TV reports that one of seven Houston cops who was disciplined for deliberately covering up DUI evidence against a fellow cop has been promoted . . to supervising the DUI task force. WWL-TV (New Orleans) /// KTRK-TV

Not Even If Her Life Depended on It: Diane McCloud was looking at 27 months in prison but needed a heart transplant, and the judge let her skate, to try and work it out. Staying clean to save her life? Insufficient incentive. She stole from three drug stores, and the judge sent her back to the joint. New York Post

Pervs on Parade

Danny Parker, 41, won his case on appeal and was released from prison because it's not a crime in the F State to paste photos of little girls' faces upon photos of nude adult women. (Court: It's merely "loathsome.") In Arkansas, however, it can still be illegal harassment if a troll like Stephen Simmons, 49, hacks a family's Facebook photos by inserting a random nude person into the pictures. The Ledger (Lakeland, Fla.) // KATV (Little Rock)

Update: Richard Osbourne, the guy from last week with the sex tape of himself working out on the Cabbage Patch dolls with widened mouths, awaits sentencing this week in Ottawa. One set of charges the judge did not go for: whether X-rated images of Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse constituted "child porn." No, said the judge . . on the ground that it was impossible to tell their ages with any certainty. Ottawa Sun

And at the Tamale Teaching Hospital in the Northern Region of Ghana, doctors removed a safety pin from a man's stuff on September 12th and confronted him skeptically about his story that he must've accidentally rolled over on it at night (at which point he admitted the truth). [This is Pro Edition; I don't need to spell everything out.]

Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]

Amanda Rice Stevenson, 96, charged with murder (.357 Magnum). Broward Palm Beach New Times

Does this home-invasion suspect even want to be seen in public again? The Smoking Gun

Oh! Dear!

Girls' crooked teeth? In America, that's thousands of bucks for orthodontia. In Japan, it's a mating advantage! And now, one Tokyo "dental salon" specializes in supplying a kinda-vampire look for the incisors that apparently drives Japanese boys crazy. CNN

Bright Ideas: Demolition derby driver Clyde Gardner, tired of his old lady, engaged a hit man, who ratted him out to police, and Gardner got 5-to-15. The hit man was actually Plan B. Plan A was for Gardner to do it himself by (1) killing a bear, (2) skinning it, (3) donning the pelt, and (4) attacking the woman with the bear's claws. (Seriously.) Associated Press via Google News

Below The Fold

"300 Paintings Worth Millions Discovered in Polish Outhouse" (inside for 66 years, oldest from 1532) Daily Telegraph (London)

The former Alfred David of Belgium injured his hip in 1968, leading to a permanent waddle, which provoked "penguin" comparisons, which led David to go all-in, eventually changing his name to Monsieur Pingouin, creating a 3,500-item penguin museum, and dressing in public in his black and white penguin suit. (His wife bailed out about the time of the name change.) Reuters

GSA, the federal government's property manager, issued an out-of-order notice last week for its regional office building in Washington, D.C., after a toilet exploded, sending a woman to the hospital. WTOP Radio (Washington, D.C.)

Dangers of Smoking: A 44-year-old woman, moving from one side of a train platform in Needham, Mass., to another and mindlessly trying to light her cigarette as she walked, wandered too close to a speeding train. Head and clavicle injuries. Boston Globe

Updates & Recurring Themes

Indeed, the Arkansas foot-fetishist believed last week to be the legendary Michael Wyatt . . is the legendary Michael Wyatt. New York Daily News

As hundreds demonstrate right now against evil bankers on Wall Street, the protests in Bangalore, India, seem more likely to succeed (unburdened, as they are, with American notions of due process of law). The government has hired drummers to gather in front of the homes of tax scofflaws and drive them crazy until they pay up. (Previously, private bill collectors have used eunuchs to invade the workplace and demand payment.) BBC News

Editor's Notes

Here's the oldest surviving two-faced cat in the world, along with the extremely-unlikely-to-survive two-faced baby, in India. Reuters /// The Express Tribune (Karachi, Pakistan)

Time-Waster: A Newsranger sent this to me. I was entertained. Maybe you will be, too. It's hardly "news." It's a "Nu Thang." YouTube

Newsrangers: Geoff Egan, Tony Pappas, Gerald Sacks, and Peter Hine, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Oct 03, 2011

Study Harder We've got enough chiefs, what we need are some legal indians! (Go ahead, call the PC Popo!)

Why would someone make a dress out of nipples, anyway? Ah... she wanted to show a "titillating creation"?

Ig Nobel Prizes I never won one of these. 😏

Toto The Toto 2011 GoGo!

Chattanooga hired a batch of red-necks for ideas?

Charles Burnett See what living above your means can get you?

Diane McCloud I guess here heart just wasn't into going straight.

Bart & Lisa They're over 20! IIRC season 23 just started!

Jury Duty #1: Life in prison, parole in 20. #2: ROFLMAO!!!!

Japanese Teeth Pssst, hay Toyo! Ever hear of oral sex?

Monsieur Pingouin Think life & lemons - kudos, dude!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 10/03/11 at 09:34 AM
SOUTH KOREAN SCHOOL KIDS - I don't know which I think is worse, fanatical adults giving up their children's childhood for for academic over-achievement or our system of pumping money down a bureaucratic rat hole while ignoring the students and allowing teachers who are incompetent to keep their jobs because of the unions.

NIPPLE DRESS - That is a fashion statement that should be "nipped" in the bud.

RUSSIAN JOAN OF ARC LUNATIC - A comment I made in an earlier post applies here too.
I once made a statement to the effect that you
could create the most ridiculous religion you could
think of and if you presented it with enough fervor
you could find followers.

IG NOBLE PRIZES - At my age and with my bladder and prostate the only decision I can make is to pee ASAP.

Different strokes for different <strike>folks</strike> beetles.

And I have calculated that we are not really here anyway. We are just figments of each others imaginations caused by the serious need for strong drink.

POOPCYCLE - This one begs a couple of questions. Do they use toilet paper that will biodegrade into fuel too, or do they even use toilet paper. And would you want to be stuck in traffic behind one of these things inhaling the "exhaust" fumes. And finally, what is the MPT (miles per turd) rating and would eating more bean burritos improve the MPT.

ABSURDITIES - Where is our super hero, Mr Obvious Man, to b!t(h slap some sense into the airport officials?

The 19 YO sex troll actually does need some "social networking" but with the parents of the teens he trolled for and in a closed room.

Yuppers, that is true southern justice. But with so many innocent people having been fried you would think that someone would make the law play fair too. He may be guilty as sin but being denied a fair chance under our constitution and criminal laws makes the state just as guilty of murder as any killer on death row if they misuse their powers to fry an innocent man.

A 20 YO fleeing the cops calls to tell them to leave him alone; that isn't savoir faire it is savior stupid.

LOSERS - Robs the same bank three times in three days!!! Here is some good news / bad news for him; he certainly has balls, but they are where his brains should be.

New Orleans and Houston PD's, OK I declare this one not weird and definitely not news any longer. It is just business as usual for way too many police departments

She needed a heart, the judge had a heart; but what she really needed was a brain.

PERVS ON PARADE - There is this treatment called "aversion therapy" that should be used on all convicted diddlers. They sit them in front of a big screen and show them the stuff that turns them on. Then when they start to "respond" they get a nice big jolt of electricity to the testicles. Once the testicles have served their purpose and the perv no longer responds they are surgically removed with a dull butter knife.

But I personally like a "treatment" my uncle advocated. He called it the or burn justice. You put the sexual offender in a wooden outhouse with his "stuff" nailed to the wall. Then you give him a rusty razor blade and set the outhouse on fire; thus the "cut or burn" part of the treatment.

As to the safety pin incident, I have had medical procedures involving "intrusion" into that opening with catheters and probes and I don't know why anyone would want to do something like that deliberately. :ahhh:

JURY DUTY - That is one butt ugly woman even for 96. Maybe she got PO'd because she had never been laid and her nephew wouldn't accommodate her.

The home invasion suspect isn't so much ugly as he is scary.

Had to split into two parts
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 10:11 AM

OH DEAR - Hey, if she looks like a vampire it means that she is at least willing to suck something. :cheese:

The demolition derby driver should have stuck to plan "A". At least it was crazy enough that he might have gotten off on an insanity defense.

BELOW THE FOLD - I have heard of art being crap and crap being art but art being stored in a crapper is a new twist. Besides, I have seen some of what the artsy fartsy world deems to be worth millions and at least some of them may have been in the right place.

My hat is off to the penguin man. He took the old saw "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" to new heights.

Exploding fixtures in government buildings sounds like a good way to keep those slackers from taking so many breaks. Or maybe she just had one too many bean burrito for lunch.

Walking into a moving train while lighting a cigaret is just one more way smoking is bad for your health.

It seems that toe sucking isn't as main stream as it used to be; OH WAIT, it never was mainstream.

If they think the drummers in India are bad they haven't met our IRS. They have been accused of invading homes, flushing essential meds down the toilet and stomping kittens to death just to name a few of their atrocities.

EDITOR'S NOTES - The two faced cat is extremely lucky to have fallen into the hands of a loving caregiver and has lived a very good life. Lets hope the baby is as fortunate and can be healed and find a good life too.

That "Nu Thang" is just another way religious whack jobs are giving true believers a bad name.
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 10:11 AM
education extremes- Moderation in all things.

Dress- disgusting!

Russian zealots- You were right the first time you said it Yogi and you are right now.

poopcycle- You'd get ring around the but after long trips.

Chattanooga- Should have put that money into running off those ugly-ass hookers over there!

same bank x3- Thought you were gonna say it was the geezer bandit, Alzheimers you know.

heart transplant- Think this through, judge leaves her free she pays for it, she re offends to get in where department of corrections pays for medical care. That changes the picture a bit don't it?

safetypin in junk- open ureterolithotomy = slicing it open down the length like butterflying a hot dog. Did you all wince?

Jury Duty- one dental extreme to the other.

outhouse art- Look EVERYWHERE when great aunt Betty passes away. Old people hide valuables in the strangest places and then forget for 50 years. If they'd have torn down that building without checking all the money would have been down the tubes.

penguin man- Lemons to lemonade, good point Yogi.

exploding toilet in gov. blding- If we quit using public toilets then the terrorists win.

taxes- I agree with Yogi, some drums playing is a far cry from the IRS mafia approach.

nu thang- Poor kid, he has to face people at school after that.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 10/03/11 at 12:04 PM
Yogi, you felt OK to write "balls" but had to obliterate b!t(h???

Double standards, my friend! 😜

BTW, have you bought stock in Ocean Spray yet?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 10/03/11 at 12:07 PM
Martel, note the word "accused".
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 10/03/11 at 12:33 PM

Hey, ya just gotta draw the line somewhere. 😛


Those items were reported in the news in the days before the supposedly "kinder and gentler" IRS. I actually read them decades ago. If you want proof waste your own time Googling them.
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 12:50 PM
@Expat again
Just call me a little slow today but...

I don't get the Ocean Spray thing????
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 12:52 PM
Never mind Expat, I just re read my post and figured out the Ocean Spray connection. But that is only good for infections and the like. It does nothing for age related bladder inflexibility and enlarged prostate.
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 01:04 PM

safetypin in junk- open ureterolithotomy = slicing it open down the length like butterflying a hot dog. Did you all wince?

I winced a lot more when I actually saw a picture several years ago of a guy into extreme body modification who had it deliberately done as a "statement" of sorts. Slit about half way down and a stainless steel tube inserted to make sure it didn't heal and close back up, sorta like having to keep studs of some kind in newly pierced ears. OOUUUCHHH
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/03/11 at 01:12 PM
Saw that nut too Yogi. Serious freak.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 10/03/11 at 01:49 PM
Well then she is just the same old thang.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 10/03/11 at 08:58 PM
Ges, very true, I never thought about it.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 10/04/11 at 08:56 AM
Actually, there aren't enough "facts" to support either of our positions in this document. Also keep in mind that this document was reported and written by the people who stood accused. But here is what I remember from the media reporting when the events supposedly took place. The reports in the media were very detailed but we both know how accurate they can be. Also, there was no rebuttal of the "facts" as reported in the media at that time or later.

So what we are left with is the equal probability that either the media juiced it up to make a point or there was an official cover up by the people who executed the raid or their superiors.

And there has been ample evidence in other incidents to support both positions. Remember Ruby Ridge and Waco.

The IRS and the ATF are both too well known for their heavy handed way of dealing with people to deny the possibility of any jack booted thug incidents.

I have a personal IRS story I may post later. The agent involved violated the IRS's own collection rules, called my real estate attorney a effing b**** on the phone and cost me $20,000.00 as well as not collecting the tax owed. It involved the sale of my house after my second wife died.

Martel, here are the sections you refer to.

75. The actual search of the Wellsboro property was executed
in a professional manner. (10/14/97 Tr. at 108-09.)

76. At no time did any law enforcement agent threaten or use
force of any kind against any of the Lamplughs. Although informed
that they were free to leave, the Lamplughs stayed at the Wellsboro
residence, mainly in the kitchen area, where they were free to do
what they wished. Although Theresa Lamplugh remained in her
nightgown throughout the day, Slusser had offered to allow Theresa
Lamplugh to change her clothes but she refused. (10/16/97 Tr. at
73, 133; 11/17/97 Tr. at 115.)

80. Prescription medications were not spilled or scattered on
any of the floors in the house. (10/14/97 Tr. at 122; 11/17/97 Tr.
at 120.)

81. No agent stomped or kicked a kitten either during the
search or after the search was completed. (11/17/97 Tr. at 120-22.)

This was in the conclusion section.

31. In fact, Slusser testified that she had three pets, two dogs
and a cat. (10/17/97 Tr. at 121.) Slusser also stated that she was
a vegetarian because she could not stand the thought of an animal
being killed. (Id.) Finally, Slusser testified that she was a
member of numerous animal right groups, such as the World Wildlife
Fund, Environmental Defense Fund, Center for Marine Conservation
and Sierra Club. (Id.) Given these statements, it is simply
incredible to believe that Slusser would have stomped a kitten to
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/04/11 at 09:25 AM
When I married my second wife I has my three and my wife's five all living with us and all but one still in school. One of the boys was taking an electronics course and I spent a lot of time tutoring him, not doing his homework for him mind you, just tutoring. But the school was offering classes like "consumer math" and it was just a cut above what they would need to learn to operate a McDonald's picture cash register without screwing up the change too badly. That wasn't the only copout course they offered. I tried to get my daughter and step daughter transferred out of that class and into a real math class so I could tutor them as well. The school made all kinds of excuses from limited resources to the girls were not able to handle a math class any more advanced.

So yes, I have had first hand experience with the school system and I could list several more incidents of school and teacher ineptitude.

But the problem isn't all black and white either. There are a thousand shades of gray too. You are right about the parents and the lazy students, but the schools have given up because too many of those parents would be suing their butts off for failing their little angels.

So where did our system start failing to meet the needs of the students and where did our students and parents start failing to keep up their end as well??? You could probably write a very large book on the subject and just be beginning to cover it all.
Posted by yogi in Kennesaw GA on 10/04/11 at 09:24 PM
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