Second WEIRD UNIVERSE Contest:  Official Results!!!

Well, the voting is over, and it was a neck-and-neck gallop for the finish line. I was monitoring the poll at regular intervals for the last hour, and what seemed a sure victory turned into a narrow upset. But there's a clear winner, with no need for another tie-breaker vote.

There were 296 votes overall. Here are the stats for all the captions that earned double-digit totals, in reverse order, leading to the winner:

Coming in at fifth place, Caption 16 earned 11 votes.
Charles brooded. After all, Anna was supposed to be HIS mistress, not his wife's.
Emmitt Dove in CT

Coming in at fourth place, Caption 2 earned 32 votes.
Woman: "What are you writing dear?"
Man: "A suicide note... sign here!"

Coming in at third place, Caption 35 earned 33 votes.
Realizing he had spent the best years of his life in the simultaneous pursuit of deep intellectual thought and loose women, the now middle aged Henry Willingsworth decided then and there to dedicate his life to chasing the dragon. Yes, an opium habit would make the insufferable voices go away...well that and murder....

Coming in at second place, Caption 62 earned 36 votes.
Theodore turned in his chair, giving Betty and Lynn a lingering, side-long glance. "What could they be up to...?" he thought to himself, fingering his fountain pen precariously over the manuscript of his latest novel, the sprawling epic, 'Foamy Waves of Passion's Ungoverned Despair'. "I'm sure that they couldn't know--how could they know? I've hidden the trapdoor well; and even if she did suspect, two layers of sea-lion-skin rugs are far too heavy to lift for a woman of such dainty pulchritude as Lynn--But Betty... Betty, Betty, Betty, I'm not so sure about that one. She's a dyke. She has dyke-strength, that one. And ho! Perhaps when Lynn herself was trying to persuade me 'oh Theodore, stop calling my sister a dyke, for heaven's sake she has three children' that lesbian-queen herself was hurling those rugs away like a behemoth vixen, clawing through my trap door, bounding across the rancid-custard booby-traps (nay, she must've slurped up the foul concoctions herself, that nefarious demon-puss!), and into the secret chamber! God help me, if she laid her dirty dyke-tongue on a single one of my Boy Meets World action figures, in the name of Topanga, I will f--"
Sam in Colorado

Coming in first, Caption 4 earned 38 votes.
Thanks to his mother, Simon wasn't turning out to be the quite the son Gordon had hoped for.

So that makes Dumbfounded the winner! He passed Sam in Colorado only during the last few minutes of the contest.

Dumbfounded's win is especially notable, since another entry of his placed fourth.

Let's all hear it for Dumbfounded! Yay! Huzzah!

And Messr. Dumbfounded must now send me his snail-mail particulars: [email protected].

Let me address a few issues raised in various comments.

First, Sam's two entries--Caption 62 and Caption 63--were really intended as one by him. I split them because there was a huge spatial gap between them, and no apparent segue. Caption 63 picked up one vote, which, added to the total for Caption 62, still did not top Dumbfounded. Now, it might be argued that I screwed Sam's chances by this accidental editorial revision. But it could equally be argued that I made Caption 62 more attractive by splitting it. In any case, I regret not consulting Sam first, and so I am going to award him a consolation prize!

Sam in Colorado: please send me your snail-mail particulars! [email protected]

That's how we roll here at WEIRD UNIVERSE. Just like Obama, we admit mistakes and seek to remedy them!

Next, some readers suggested that I should have trimmed the list of contestants down to a handful of "best" entries. That was precisely what I was trying to avoid: imposing my judgment on the WU democracy. So I'm grateful everyone was willing to deal with the huge slate of choices.

I just want to thank all the contestants and all the voters and all the silent readers who just sat back and enjoyed the contest. You're a super bunch!
     Posted By: Paul - Thu Feb 19, 2009
     Category: Weird Universe | Contest

Paul - Do you know if 296 is representative of how many visiters WU gets everyday or do you think that includes double votes by at least some?

Also, congrats Dumbfounded!!!
Posted by Madd Maxx on 02/19/09 at 11:45 AM
Madd Maxx--we have no good stats on unique visitors to WU: just that pageview counter on the RH side of the page.
Posted by Paul on 02/19/09 at 11:48 AM
Yay! Huzzah for Dumbfounded! You must regale us with German Wit and Humour once you received the related text.
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 02/19/09 at 11:58 AM
I tip my hat to dumbfounded and Sam. And thanks to Paul for sticking to the values of this great Weird-ocracy, and not imposing his will to turn it into a Weird-tatroship.
Posted by Matt in Florida on 02/19/09 at 12:24 PM
We, the committee representing those individuals from the Cradle of Democracy, demand a recount! I saw a minimum of no less than 32 hanging chads on the ballots before they were illegally whisked away.

Congrats Dumfounded!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 02/19/09 at 12:47 PM
Dumbfounded - As long as goosestepping is not required to laugh like a german.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 02/19/09 at 12:53 PM
Both prizes are packaged and going out in the mail today. Sam's is by Media Rate, so it might take a little longer to reach him.

Posted by Paul on 02/19/09 at 02:30 PM
What no booby prize?!?!?! :cheese:
Posted by Madd Maxx on 02/19/09 at 06:28 PM

Just in case you want an opinion, I liked this style contest over the first. The first required specific knowledge about a subject whereas the 2nd was more about creativity. It was fun!
Posted by Madd Maxx on 02/19/09 at 06:31 PM
I got your booby prize, MM...

Congrats to Dumbfounded. Though I must say... I thought I was a sure winner, what with my inside joke only a few of us got...
Posted by KW in Dallas, TX on 02/19/09 at 07:52 PM
I'm dumbfounded how no one liked the "base 13" joke. Just kidding. Dumbfounded, congrats and best to ya. Waiting for that humor to come forth.

"Joke numba vun. Vy did za chicken cross ze road? To ze other side getzen, ya! (crickets) Laughen sie! Ve know you have family in ze old country. Laughen! Make vis da merryment!"
Posted by DownCrisis on 02/20/09 at 12:01 AM
KW - I'll take it!!!
Posted by Madd Maxx on 02/20/09 at 07:15 AM
Big congrats to Dumbfounded and Sam!
Posted by Nethie on 02/20/09 at 07:40 PM
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