Nervous Weird News Blogger Writes Short Post Today, Has to Go Take “Break”

News of the Weird Daily
Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dead man blogging
A University of Nottingham study of more than 800 men showed researchers that men who masturbate frequently in their 20s and 30s show a higher propensity for prostate cancer later. On the bright side, w—, uh, those people can help themselves later in life by continuing to masturbate a lot because, the researchers guessed, that helps eliminate toxins. Science Daily
Comments 'masturbation_study'

What's her problem, indeed
The Chicago Tribune's What's Your Problem? columnist got this stumper in November from a woman in Plainfield, Ill.: A Comcast lineman hanging wire on a pole outside her house was so fat that he broke the pole; Comcast said it was a Commonwealth Edison pole so they couldn't fix it; ComEd said it wasn't their pole, and if she didn't fix it in 30 days, they'd cut off her power; contractors said the ground was too cold to dig in a new pole; ComEd said it'd lay underground cable for $6k; homeowner's insurance wouldn't pay because the original pole was too old and thus had probably decayed. (Yeah, the Trib's man got it worked out for the woman, but jeez . . ..) Chicago Tribune
Comments 'comcast_fatman'

More Things to Worry About

You're not a good mother if the first time it dawns on you that your 4-yr-old is missing is when you're watching the news on TV and see her picture as a "lost girl" found. WBAL-TV (Baltimore)

And this 16-yr-old probably has Intermittent Explosive Disorder if she went after her parents with kitchen knives (and wouldn't drop them, even when police arrived), just because dad took away her cell phone. Associated Press via KYW-TV (Philadelphia)

A New York City theater company has permission to bewilder subway riders this coming weekend by staging a production in a train car (props, costumes, crew of 35 involved, with duration depending on whether it's an express or a local). New York Post

Is it an insane man, or just a guilty man, who brings his feces to court and rubs some in his lawyer's hair before hitting juror number 9's briefcase with the rest? KGTV (San Diego)

Is it an insane man, or just a blagojevich-type man, who systematically mails his bodily fluids from his jail cell to a St. Louis court official? ("He's mailing himself out of jail, one envelope at a time.") St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090128'

Your Daily Loser
A 26-yr-old man was detained by police in Omaha, Neb., after being caught sticking three regulation baseball bats inside his baggy pants and then trying to tell the manager that he was working freelance for a security company and was only trying to make a point to management about their lax procedures. Omaha World-Herald
Comments 'baseball_bats'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Daniel Cormier, 57, who says he's a "pastor" at the Church of Downtown Montreal, was sentenced to 5 yrs in prison this week for having sex with a then-10-yr-old girl, even though he said he tried to do the right thing by tying the knot with her (though Church of Downtown Montreal weddings are not recognized in Quebec). Canadian Press
Comments 'daniel_cormier'

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Ronald Kercher II, 29, Billings, Mont., may not be a bad person at all but just forgetful, like forgetting that he had to register as a sex offender. Billings Gazette [NOTE: You'll need to click the photo to enlarge to a full head shot . . to give Ronald due process of law, of course]
Comments 'ronald_kercher'

Today's Newsrangers: Jerry Whittle, Ken Vermette, Jake Feezell, Sandy Pearlman

     Posted By: Chuck - Wed Jan 28, 2009

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