Ordained, Overregistered, Nipped, Tucked

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Friday

The ridiculously horny priest Elvis Elano
The New York Catholic diocese is being sued for $25m for Fr. Elano's God-sanctioned trysts with the now-50-yr-old woman, and The Smoking Gun has documents and a hot photo (er, of him, that is). There's also an invoice for way-overpriced mail-order Viagra. The diocese, as is typical over the yrs, immediately cracked down on Fr. Elano . . by, er, transferring him to another parish. The Smoking Gun
Comments 'elvis_elano'

Nov. 4th will be interesting, at the polls; Nov. 5th will be even more interesting, in courtrooms
Here's just one slice, from one story: In Madison County, Miss., about one-fifth more people are registered to vote than there are people over age 18 in the county, including 486 people who are 105 yrs old or more. Federal law prevents even legitimate attempts to clean registration lists within 90 days of an election. (This doesn't necessarily mean that a lot of, or even any, fictitious people will be allowed to cast votes, but it does guarantee that if elections are close, there will be lawsuits galore.) WLBT-TV (Jackson)
Comments 'november_5th'

Your Daily Loser
Gary Walker is the name of the guy I flagged for you on Tuesday as the cell-phone thief done in by having snapped a downloadable picture of himself with "his" new phone. Turns out he has at least six other warrants outstanding, including shoplifting from a blind merchant. It appears that he's moved along the chain because the cell phone he took was from a deaf woman. Problem: A deaf person can see, and she ID'd him from the photo he snapped. Cincinnati Enquirer
Comments 'gary_walker'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
An unnamed man in Denton, Tex., was arrested last week after he shoplifted a "male enhancement" cream at a department store, immediately retreated to the men's room to apply it, and then, newly fortified, he went to the toy section of the store, unzipped, and went on display. Dallas Morning News
Comments 'enhancement_cream'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
He's 19 and allegedly already into moonshine. (Bonus [that I order you to ignore!]: He's the son of actor Bill Pullman.) Asheville Citizen-Times
Comments 'moonshine_pullman'

More Things to Worry About on Friday

A de-licensed chiropractor-landlord in Hawaii was accused by impoverished tenants of performing free-lance, experimental "stem cell" injections all over their bodies, including the eyes (under threat of eviction if they declined). Honolulu Advertiser

A straight-A high school student in southern Israel, striving for authenticity in a class project, dressed up like a terrorist to check out people's (and police's) reactions! BBC News

New world record . . for most cosmetic surgeries on one woman (100) (cost: the equivalent today of $875k). Daily Mail (London)

Chutzpah! A county employee in Montana pleaded guilty to pocketing $40k in gov't and community funds (and is being sued for pocketing $118k more than that), but the important thing, he now demands in a counterclaim, is that he wants the salary and bennies he "earned" while sitting out the period of investigation. Montana Standard (Butte)

During particularly explicit testimony at a sexual assault trial in Napanee, Ontario, this week (i.e., "I was forced into a threesome" versus "No, you loved it"), the key prosecution witness laid her credibility on the line when she swore the coach has three testicles. The Star (Toronto)

It says here that a suspected DUI driver near Osternarke, Sweden, offered up a defense to the cop that she was trying so hard to drive carefully, even going to the trouble of keeping one eye closed, to prevent her from seeing double. The Local (Stockholm)

It's Halloween year-round in Japan, what with scary supernaturals like the filth licker, the demon hag, a raccoon dog with huge testicles, the slash-mouth woman, and kappa (a monster who is notably flatulent). Washington Post

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Friday?
Comments 'worry_081031'
     Posted By: Chuck - Fri Oct 31, 2008

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