A Dog with Alzheimer’s, Panties with Banana Plants

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday

Chicago Tribune investigation reveals specific men with small dicks
The Tribune found well over 100 men who have publicly but bogusly claimed military medals for bravery. The Trib looked mainly at self-submitted bios in the Who's Who in America series and in newspaper obituaries, and then got those men's military records via the Freedom of Information Act. Then, the Trib called up a lot of them for comments. Responses ranged from full-denial mode, to opening a new round of B.S., to a few soulful admissions. (Also a possibility: A few who never got such medals have actually convinced themselves they did.) Chicago Tribune
Comments 'bogus_medals'

Things people believe (continued)
Indonesian villagers caught an "elder" in the act with a cow, which in that village means only one thing: The cow will have to be towed out to sea and drowned, and the man will have to be on the boat and shed the clothes he was wearing at the time of the act, in order for the whole episode to be cleansed from his soul. (Since the man owned the cow, this remedy caused him a big financial hit, as well.) (Bonus: The cow was pregnant [but, no, no . . ..].) Jakarta Post
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Your Daily Loser
Recurring Theme: Philip Waldbauer, 29, was arrested upon complaining to police that he had just been ripped off when his $10 purchase of "grass" turned out to be grass. Quad City Times (Davenport, Iowa)
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People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Lede sentence: "A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon Friday, called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-yr-old man's penis." Delicacy was required. Times Record-Herald (Middletown, N.Y.)
Comments 'penis_ring'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Robert W. Love, facing a prostitution charge in Orlando (though maybe he's not the kind of guy who would do something like that). Orlando Sentinel [Warning: Website has a mugshot gallery that could put a major dent in your productivity today.]
Comments 'robert_love'

More Things to Worry About on Monday

Fine Points of the Law: A federal judge in Los Angeles hit the Mongols street gang where it hurts, in the, uh, logo. Since they're engaged in criminal racketeering, the feds think they have the authority over all the "property" the Mongols use, which includes their registered trademark. Anything with the logo on it gets confiscated. Associated Press via New York Post

Dog with Alzheimer's: Freddie, a 14-yr-old (that's 98) terrier, was pulled aboard by a fisherman about a mile out to sea. He had been walking along the shore and become "disoriented." Daily Mail (London)

They robbed the First Bank in Florissant, Mo., then dashed out onto Interstate 70 for their daring getaway . . right into a massive traffic backup already teeming with cop cars because of an accident. Game over. St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Consequences of not teaching physics in high school any more: Three teenagers were treated for burns after one lit a cigarette in their car following a session of huffing. Longmont Times-Call (Longmont, Colo.)

Your daily lesson in the Malay language: Masuk dari buntut [roughly, "enter via the buttocks"]. This came up in a parliamentary Q&A with Malaysia's deputy transport minister about upgrading airport runways. Electric New Paper (Singapore)

Elite anti-smuggling expertise at the airport in Sydney, Australia: Caught a woman trying to sneak three banana plants into the country, in her underwear. News.com.au (Sydney)

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
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