Weird Universe Archive

September 2009

September 30, 2009

Fish Fry

Another example of Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Vance Mitchell took back some jewelry he had given his former common law wife when they were together. When he refused to return it to the unnamed woman she took seven goldfish they had acquired while together from his apartment in retaliation. Mitchell called police, but by the time they arrived at the woman's home it was too late. Four of the goldfish were on a plate, fried, and the woman confirmed that she had already eaten the other three. Police state it is a civil matter therefore no criminal charges will be filled against the woman. Good thing they didn't have a dog.

Posted By: patty - Wed Sep 30, 2009 - Comments (6)

September 29, 2009

Sumo Suit Olympics

The good news is now anyone can be a Sumo, and maybe you could compete in the Sumo Suit Olympics.

I think the skinny legs really compliment the look.

Posted By: gdanea - Tue Sep 29, 2009 - Comments (6)
Category: Contests, Races and Other Competitions

Renewable Virginity

Japanese innovation strikes again. Girls, lost your virginity and now you want it back for someone special? No problem for just $14.90 you can buy a fake hymen. Gently insert it 20 minutes before making love. It expands giving a tight feeling and upon penetration it expels a blood-like fluid. Be sure to respond appropriately and he need never be the wiser.,Virginity,Hymen,2299.php?prod=2299
The Egyptians are apparently very unhappy about this product and are considering the death penalty for anyone caught importing it.

Posted By: patty - Tue Sep 29, 2009 - Comments (2)

Follies of the Mad Men #73

Why do I get the sense that this "game" is just one card away from turning into a full-fledged orgy?

Posted By: Paul - Tue Sep 29, 2009 - Comments (4)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Games, 1960s

September 28, 2009

Heavy Metal Church

When you worship, why can't it be to music you like?

The "All Powerful" Heavy Metal church was founded by drummer Cristian Gonzales, and attendance has been good -- just don't make change in the collection chest. Bonus -- one church member likes that "the pastor has long hair".

Posted By: gdanea - Mon Sep 28, 2009 - Comments (3)
Category: Religion

The Hut Sut Song

An explanation from the obituary of the composer:

A native of Towner, N.D., Leo Killion grew up in Minneapolis, where he heard Swedish folk songs that he later spoofed in nonsense lyrics. Written in 1939 by Killion, Ted McMichael and Jack Owens, "The Hut Sut Song" was recorded and popularized by the Freddy Martin Orchestra and the Horace Heidt Orchestra. It was sung by the Merry Macs in the 1941 movie "San Antonio Rose." More than a decade later, it was featured in the landmark World War II film "From Here to Eternity." Sung by such Swing Era and wartime favorites as Dinah Shore and the Andrews Sisters, the song included such lyrics as "Hut Sut Rawlson on the rillerah and brawla, brawla sooit."

Posted By: Paul - Mon Sep 28, 2009 - Comments (3)
Category: Jabberwocky, Scat Singing, Nonsense Verse and Glossolalia, Music, 1930s

Gaddafi’s Triumphant Return, Plus Confused Vultures and Puzzled Fellators

News of the Weird / Pro Edition
September 28, 2009
(curious and/or absurd news from September 19-26)

Grand Marshal Gaddafi Returns to the Stage
In Yr Editor's Gallery of Megalomaniacs, Moammar Gaddafi occupies one of the top slots (with North Korea's K.Jay, the late Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan, and, y'know, Donald Trump, people like that), and his epic United Nations cabaret performance on Wednesday marked his return to glory. In addition to pissing off his interpreter and Gordon Brown by exceeding his 15-minute slot (by 82 minutes!), he demanded the UN pay Libya for past injustices, which he calculated to be precisely $7.7 trillion. He also caused a scene because he eschews 5-star hotels in favor of bedding down in his own tent, with his "elite virgin female bodyguard detail" providing safety. When he visits other African countries, Gaddafi famously makes friends in the countryside by tossing US$1 bills from his limo, but that won't work here. Washington Post

Mayors Gone Wild
Sallie Peake of Wellford, S.C., said she's got budget problems and can't afford for the police to be chasing suspects. (Oh, ya mean no more high-speed chases?) No. No chases. Just drive out to their homes and arrest 'em. And Mayor Eric Brewer of East Cleveland, Ohio, neither confirmed nor denied the authenticity of the photographs circulating around town of him dressed maybe like he's Erica Brewer and not Eric. And Mayor Bob Ryan of Sheboygan, Wis., was captured on an off-the-record video saying he's heard that his sister-in-law gives a good blowjob. (Mrs. Ryan couldn't be less amused.) WSPA-TV (Spartanburg, S.C.) /// WTAM Radio (Cleveland) /// WTMJ-TV (Milwaukee)

Do You Realize How Difficult It Is to Find Heartwarming Vulture Stories?
All right, so two male vultures at Israel's Jerusalem Biblical Zoo made headlines a couple of yrs ago when they incubated an "egg" and then raised a baby vulture. (Actually, they were playing mom with a fake egg; zookeepers slipped an actual itty bitty just-hatched vulture into the nest when the parents weren't looking. So, the two males think they've accomplished something.) OK, jump ahead a while, and the men grew apart and moved on to female partners. (It's unclear whether they had come to realize that their original mates weren't females or whether they just had an Anne Heche Moment.) The males knocked up the females, and the first actual babies of the original gay pair were (it says here, anyway) born on the same day as each other and weighed exactly the same thing. How 'bout that? Haaretz (Tel Aviv)

Three Australians Beg, "Please, Take Our Money"
In a Melbourne suburb, two grifters convinced at least three business operators to let them double their money . . chemically. It's a special substance! When currency soaks in it overnight . . each bill produces another bill of the same denomination! The artists even "demonstrated" it to each investor, with an A$100 bill. The three astute businessmen lost a total of A$160k, and now valuable police resources are being diverted, trying to get the money back. Stonnington Leader via

What a Dork that Guy Is, with that Metal Detector
Oh, wait. Terry Herbert, 55, just found at least $1.6m worth (probably much more) of gold and silver in Staffordshire county, England, probably buried there in the 7th century by a successful Anglo-Saxon warlord. Archaeologists' toes are still curling over this. New York Times

Remember the Indonesian with Warts Like a Bad Case of Barnacles?
That guy is doing better, but now comes Lin Tianzhuan, 38, in southern China, aka Coral Boy, whose growths on his legs and arms more resemble stone or shells. [Links are Not Safe for Stomachs] Daily Telegraph (London) /// Metro (London) [tree man Dede Koswara]

More in extended >>

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Sep 28, 2009 - Comments (4)

September 27, 2009

Follies of the Mad Men #72

This one's just for Patty, who registered discontent with our exclusive concentration on the female form!

Posted By: Paul - Sun Sep 27, 2009 - Comments (6)
Category: Animals, Body Modifications, Business, Advertising, Products, Hygiene, Fictional Monsters

All Hail Marshmallow Fluff!

Every year the people of Massachusetts celebrate one of their most noble products, Marshmallow Fluff, in a festival called "What the Fluff." A prime component of the festival are the dancers known as the Flufferettes. Watch them below, then take a tour of the Fluff factory.

Read about the latest festival here.

Posted By: Paul - Sun Sep 27, 2009 - Comments (5)
Category: Food, Parades and Festivals, Regionalism, North America

September 25, 2009

Snowboarder survives avalanche

I think the avalanche this guy boards through is one he created. If you watch at the first, he slices through the patch which will break into the snow movement.

Whatever happened, this is one wild ride. I also really think the music compliments the piece. I can't wait for another season of "The Greatest Snow on Earth"!!

Posted By: gdanea - Fri Sep 25, 2009 - Comments (1)
Category: Sports

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Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

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Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

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