Weird Universe Archive

March 2009

March 5, 2009

Sarah Palin Wigs

Paula Young, "America's Choice for Beautiful Hair," offers a full line of Sarah Palin Style Wigs and Hair Pieces... for those who have an urge to look just like Alaska' governor.

Oddly, some of the biggest fans of Sarah Palin wigs are Orthodox Jewish women, according to BusinessWorld Online. It has nothing to do with politics. Orthodox Jewish women wear wigs for religious reasons, and they like her look. They're also willing to pay $700 or more for that look.

Posted By: Alex - Thu Mar 05, 2009 - Comments (11)
Category: Fashion, Hair Styling

Bad Paintings of Barack Obama

Yes, they definitely are bad.

Posted By: Alex - Thu Mar 05, 2009 - Comments (19)
Category: Art, Politics

March 4, 2009

Strange Congo Signage

World-traveler Peter Danssaert contributes this photo of a sign he saw in Kisangani, the Congo.

Posted By: Paul - Wed Mar 04, 2009 - Comments (11)
Category: Business, Advertising, Money, Signage, Billboards, Foreign Customs, Africa

Beneath the Kilt

Since we were just talking about "cheerleader upskirt photos" yesterday, I thought this post was timely.

Kilt-rental agencies in the UK now insist that their customers don underwear. What are all our grand traditions coming to?!?


Posted By: Paul - Wed Mar 04, 2009 - Comments (0)

Our Problem Is Not AIG or Citigroup; It’s Mattel

News of the Weird Daily
Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The economy's fine in West Virginia
If it weren't, would state Delegate Jeff Eldridge have the optimism to introduce a bill to ban sales of Mattel's Barbie and similar dolls (on the ground that they contribute to making girls turn out different than Eldridge would like to see them turn out)? [Ed.: Besides, what's an intellectually barren girl who's was born aesthetically pleasing supposed to do, anyway? Get fat (like in Mauritania, See Below)? Smash herself in the face with a crowbar?] Associated Press via WSAZ-TV (Huntington, W.Va.)
Comments 'westvirginia_barbie'

To serve and protect and exorcise
Paper-pushing NYPD Lt. Dominic Maglione wants his gun and shield back and has sued, claiming that his mental health is fine despite incidents a couple of years ago in which he was praying for 10 hours straight and once saw a demon in the stationhouse. (Also, the "10 hours straight" meant that he peed on himself because he couldn't tear himself away to go to the john.) Associated Press via Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Comments 'paperpushing_cop'

Recurring themes
(1) It's still, after all these years, cool in Mauritania for adolescent girls to be fattened up so that they'll be round and thus appear older, in order to be desirable marriage candidates. (2) The quaint developing-world protest against gov't by sewing one's lips together has struck again, as a water company worker in Mexico, dissatisfied with his lack of promotion, has stitched his mouth closed. (3) And this one is headed for the No Longer Weird list . . . the stupid calls to 911, such as this episode last week in Fort Pierce, Fla., in which Ms. Latreasa Goodman, 27, insisted three times that cops should rush right over because McD's claimed to be out of McNuggets and only wanted to substitute a McDouble rather than refund her money. "[M]y McNuggets are an emergency." The Guardian (London) /// Associated Press via Yahoo ///
Comments 'recurring_090304'

More Things to Worry About

Why would the home invader who was unsuccessful at getting the elderly couple to give up their money then grab "two bundles of toilet paper" and run out the door? (Jacksonville, Fla.)

And why might there be 10 human teeth (one with a filling) inside the pouch of a men's wallet for sale at Wal-Mart? Cape Cod Times

And if witnesses say the road-raged motorist not only scared the pedestrian once but then did a U-ie and drove right at him again, why would the motorist offer the defense that, well, his car has an "alignment" problem that causes it to do U-ies on its own? Metrowest Daily News (Framingham, Mass.)

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090304'

Your Daily Loser
Antonio Robledo, 23, went on a brief crime spree in Duluth, Minn., punctuated by two gratuitous phone calls to 911 to inform them of how much smarter he is than the cops chasing him (the second call coming 61 minutes before he was caught). Duluth News Tribune
Comments 'antonio_robledo'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Actually, the two women (ages 20 and 24) were having a sex fling in a car in Pensacola [CORRECTION: Panama City], Fla., so they have that going for them, but, then (as explained by a Pensacola News Herald [CORRECTION: Panama City News Herald] reporter): "Some scenarios law enforcement officers just can't be trained for, such as finding a bag of marijuana produced from the rectal area ['from the rectum'] of a female recently engaged in coitus with another female." Pensacola News Herald
Comments 'pensacola_women' [CORRECTION: Link goes to Panama City News Herald]

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Gregory Davis, 19, perhaps beat up another guy but perhaps also he's equal-opportunity all the way, having to be Tasered because he was punching himself in the face, too. Gainesville Sun
Comments 'gregory_davis'

Today's Newsrangers: Tom Sullivan, Larry Ellis Reed, Mark Neunder, Tom Barker, Larry Seltzer, Marti Walters

Posted By: Chuck - Wed Mar 04, 2009 - Comments (0)

Ride Accidents bills itself as "the world's single most comprehensive, detailed, updated, accurate, and complete source of amusement ride accident reports and related news."

People falling and jumping from roller coasters, children drowning in water rides, men leaping leaping from cable cars with a bungee cord attached to them, thinking the bungee will stop them before they hit the ground, only to realize they misjudged the distance and the cord doesn't even have a chance to grow taut before they slam into the ground. It's all there!

Posted By: Alex - Wed Mar 04, 2009 - Comments (3)
Category: Death

The Horse Life Preserver

Patent No. 1265580, issued May 1918:

Be it known that I, Michael Zofchak, a citizen of the United States, residing at Pittsburg, in the county of Allegheny and State of Pennsylvania, have invented new and useful Improvements in Animal Life-Preservers, of which the following is a specification.
This invention relates to life preservers, and more especially it is intended for quick application to a draft horse, pack mule, or other animal which is carrying war supplies and which may possibly be a cavalry horse, so that when a stream or river is reached the animal can swim across with his load and possibly with his driver and the necessity for building a bridge is avoided.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Mar 04, 2009 - Comments (10)
Category: Animals, Inventions, Patents

March 3, 2009

Justice and Salvation in Florida, Plus Hide the Bartender

News of the Weird Daily
Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Utah's drinking problem
The state's trying hard to stop it, in a passive-aggressive sort of way. A Senate committee approved a bill requiring restaurants that serve drinks to make sure the bartender can't be seen by the diners. Plus, in the past the state has tried to criminalize the act of being a drunkard, but that was unconstitutional so it's changing that to criminalize the act of looking like you're a drunkard. (Bonus: The link features another link to the original bill, which looks simple enough, but takes 4,105 lines of text to get it through the Utah code.) KUTV (Salt Lake City)
Comments 'utah_bartenders'

Round-up from the ol' F State
(1) A St. Petersburg Times interview of a retired judge reveals that he knows he botched the law 9 yrs ago when he sentenced a 14-yr-old kid to "life in prison" for being an accomplice to armed robbery. The state had earlier passed a "life in prison means life in prison without parole" law, but the judge thought that applied only to capital crimes and not armed robbery, and that surely the kid would be out by now. Oops. Still there. Forever. (2) The New York Times updated us Sunday on the fiery, deluxe, nondenominational Fort Lauderdale preacher Terry Durham, age 11 (NOTW had him when he was 8 [NOTW 953, 5-14-2006]), who's been honing his delivery since age 4 (in public since age 6): "When I'm in the pulpit, it's like something turns over me, and I just turn into a man of God. And when I'm out of the pulpit, I just turn into a speechless kid." (3) And there's this teenager who was demonstrating to an apprehensive pal that a loaded 9mm was no big deal, by pointing at the ground and firing off a round, but now the kid has a hole in his foot. St. Petersburg Times /// New York Times /// WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg)
Comments 'florida_roundup'

More Things to Worry About

News that sounds like a joke (I): A 23-yr-old British man, who says life is tough for him now, filed a lawsuit against his high school for having enabled the kids who had bullied him over being rich, thus messing him up and making life tough for him right now. Daily Mail

News that sounds like a joke (II): A memento from the actual body of Galileo (who was widely ridiculed and condemned in his lifetime by the Vatican for disputing Catholic dogma with, y'know, science) went on display in Florence, Italy, and it was his bird-flipping finger. Daily Telegraph (London)

Readers' Choice: Mr. Acea Shomaker, 20, said the reason he stuffed his cat inside his shoebox-sized bong for a couple of sessions was because it was high-strung and needed to mellow. (Bonus: It worked.) KETV (Omaha)

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090303'

Your Daily Loser
This guy was arrested in the gym at Elma (Wash.) High School, looking like a sports photographer covering the "winter dance team" practice, but a couple of the kids' fathers challenged him. "How about this," one dad proposed. "[Y]ou show us the pictures on the camera and when what you're saying is true [about being a sports photographer], there's nothing weird, you can go and we'll apologize and it's no big deal." But "He's like, 'No, I can't show you my pictures.'" But then, an epiphany: "He took the camera off his neck, held his hands up in the air and said, 'I admit it. I'm a pervert, and I came here to take pictures of your daughters. Can you let go of me?" (Nope, no can do.) KING-TV (Seattle)
Comments 'danceteam_pervert'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Ms. Trecia Hodge, 36, was arrested in Raleigh, N.C., allegedly having instructed a 9-yr-old neighbor boy to use her cell phone to take pictures of an intimate area of her body that she couldn't really frame properly by herself. WRAL-TV
Comments 'trecia_hodge'

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Amilcar Guerra, 50, who might have stabbed some people (if you think he looks like the kind of guy who would get so ticked off at the brand of beer his buddy had selected). Sarasota Herald-Tribune via
Comments 'amilcar_guerra'

Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Paul Music, Val Didrichsons, Samantha Ulery

Posted By: Chuck - Tue Mar 03, 2009 - Comments (0)

More Soviet Space Stamps

Courtesy of my pal, Peter Danssaert, more heroic retro space imagery.

Click to embiggen.



Posted By: Paul - Tue Mar 03, 2009 - Comments (7)
Category: Art, Space Travel, Russia, Yesterday’s Tomorrows

Lotti Golden

In Look magazine for September 9 1969, there's an article about an aspiring young singer named Lotti Golden, who wanted to be just like Dylan. Never having heard of her before, I got curious and did some research.

She did go on to release a couple of albums. This blogger discusses her career and offers a compressed audio file of one whole album. This fellow does the same.

But overall, poor Lotti is so obscure she doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry, and her records never made it to CD.

In 1982, she tried again with a group called Warp 9, purveyors of "new wave funk." You can hear two samples of their stuff here.

If you listen to the clip below, you might see why she never made it big. This song is like five different disparate songs jammed into one.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Mar 03, 2009 - Comments (41)
Category: Music, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s

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Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

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Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.

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