Weird Universe Archive

April 2009

April 28, 2009

Meat Cards



Imagine your name lasered onto a piece of meat. Imagine always smelling like beef jerky.

Doesn't look like these are on sale yet, but as soon as they are, I'm sure their creators will make a fortune.

(Thanks to Prof. Music for the link)

Posted By: Alex - Tue Apr 28, 2009 - Comments (13)
Category: Business, Food

Ferguson Safety Smock

Why you should buy a Ferguson Safety Smock:
  • They're virtually indestructible.
  • They have no hard fasteners that can be filed into weapons.
  • They have no nylon hook-and-loop fasteners that can be torn off and used as a rope.
  • They include a sanitary belt "designed for self-destructive females on their menses."
  • Plus, they make a great fashion statement!

Posted By: Alex - Tue Apr 28, 2009 - Comments (10)
Category: Fashion, Prisons

April 27, 2009

Follies of the Mad Men #65


[From Look magazine for 3-4-58.]

Worst. Cocktail Recipe. Ever!

Posted By: Paul - Mon Apr 27, 2009 - Comments (7)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Food, Inebriation and Intoxicants

[News] Chuck’s Links for Monday, April 27, 2009

Researchers at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine (New York's Yeshiva University) reported success with a topical application of nanoparticles of nitric oxide, as a Viagra substitute, giving 5 out of 7 rats hard-ons. Daily Telegraph (London)

German doctors removed a 40-lb. cyst from a Saudi woman (which is not a world record, by any means, i.e., try 303 lbs., but she only weighed 120 lbs. going in). Associated Press via Fox News /// Bild (Berlin) [photo story; Not Safe for Work or Stomachs]

What if you put up photos of the Wall Street masters of the universe and gave out chances (like carnival sideshows) to shoot 'em down and win big kewpie dolls (sorta like these two Czech artists did)? Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

At least one Republican official sees Democrats as blameless for the root causes of American dysfunction . . because the fault lies with Satan himself. Salt Lake Tribune

Today's Fish/Barrel Shoot: Britain's Justice Secretary, despairing that "prison" doesn't seem to cure bad people, says let's try untough love, like sending the perps to mentors to teach 'em how to fish, plant gardens, apply for gov't benefits, etc. Daily Mail

I don't have a mugshot for ya today, but here's a horse with a moustache---will that do? Daily Telegraph (London)

Today's Newsrangers: Mark Neunder, David Oldridge

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Apr 27, 2009 - Comments (7)
Category:

Monkey Steals the Peach

"Monkey steals the peach" is apparently what ninjas call this move, but I think Chuck has covered cases in which amateurs have performed similar feats purely by accident.

The illustration is from the book Ninja Mind Control by Ashida Kim. (According to Boing Boing which posted about this a couple of years ago.)

image

Posted By: Alex - Mon Apr 27, 2009 - Comments (15)
Category: Death, Genitals

Overpriced Chair

I thought that this Carolina Cottage 271-AB Whitman Dining Chair in Antique Black, available from Amazon, was going to set a new record for overpriced merchandise, seeing that Amazon wants $139,134.99 for it.

But it looks like you can get the same chair directly from Dining Rooms Direct for $139.

Still, if you feel like paying full price for it at Amazon, Weird Universe will get a kickback since we referred you. Or better yet, send us $100,000, and we'll arrange to have the chair shipped to you straight from Dining Rooms Direct.

Posted By: Alex - Mon Apr 27, 2009 - Comments (11)
Category: Overpriced Merchandise

April 26, 2009

Annual MIT Piano Drop

The event of this post's title occured a few days ago.



However, because the drop is now an anticipated, regular event, it cannot possibly compare with the excitement of the very first one!

Posted By: Paul - Sun Apr 26, 2009 - Comments (13)
Category: Destruction, Education, 1970s

April 25, 2009

Jonathan Bayliss, RIP

image
The Boston Globe reports the death of one Jonathan Bayliss, an eccentric self-published writer of enormous tomes.
















image
Here's a sample from one of his novels. (Click on text to enlarge.) There's plenty more here, if you want it!

Posted By: Paul - Sat Apr 25, 2009 - Comments (7)
Category: Eccentrics, Literature, Books, Writers, Obituaries

[News] Chuck’s Links for Saturday, April 25, 2009

Notes on the Recession: (1) Rebecca Taylor, needing big bucks for a new apartment, at first offered to sell her 5-month-old son for $10k, but was forced to mark him down to $5k. (2) New York City's Bronx Zoo, facing dwindling revenues, laid off "hundreds" of animals in four exhibits, including deer, bats, porcupines, foxes, lemurs, caimans, and antelopes. Associated Press via Akron Beacon Journal /// New York Post

Shooting Fish in a Barrel (aka "reporting British concerns about 'safety'"): (1) Local gov't councils have been performing "topple tests" on gravestones to make sure none would fall over on anyone (cost: nearly £1m). (2) Clowns in Liverpool have to give up their oversized shoes because they might trip and crash into somebody. Daily Telegraph (gravestones) /// Daily Telegraph (clown shoes)

Spare the propane torch, spoil the child: A really bad parent confronts a toilet-untrained 6-yr-old. Saginaw News

[Jury Duty] Four performers from the Shreveport (La.) Opera chased Timothy Grim, 39, for six blocks after he allegedly stole a diva's dress from the rehearsal room. But it couldn't be true that, after they caught him, he offered to sell the dress back to them (and had lowered his asking price to $1), could it? KTBS-TV (Shreveport)

[Jury Duty Bonus] Generally speaking, "Melissa" and "Lori" are pretty names, but not always. Clarion-Ledger (Jackson, Miss.)

Editor's Notes:
(1) I mentioned a few days ago that Oklahoma City bombing conspirator Terry Nichols had complained formally about the lack of fiber in his diet at Colorado's Supermax prison, and it turns out that his Supermax colleague, Atlanta anti-abortion bomber Eric Rudolph, agrees with him that their "sacred" colons deserve some bran, at least. The Smoking Gun is there. TheSmokingGun.com
(2) OK, that editor I referred to yesterday at Yahoo UK-Ireland (his photo is at the link) is now on my snot list. Newsranger Kevin Dean wrote that he's sure he saw that very story a while back in The (Incomplete) Book of Failures. Even if the story is true, the "Chuck" part of Weird Universe only does "news." Blaaah. I'll check it out.

Today's Newsrangers: Harry Farkas, Rich Pevey

Posted By: Chuck - Sat Apr 25, 2009 - Comments (8)
Category:

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Who We Are
Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

Chuck Shepherd
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.

Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.

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