Seven years ago Aleck and his mate were walking down a country road when an auto came speeding along. Aleck escaped but his wife didn't. Their owner picked up the wife's carcass and, with Aleck looking on, put it in an empty oil drum where he cremated it. From that sad day to this Aleck has stuck by that oil drum in the yard, apparently thinking his wife is still inside. He defends the drum against all intruders with vigorous honks, beating of wings and sharp nips of his blunt bill.

Loco Notion
Barmy BR proposed to tether workers to trackside posts as high-speed trains thundered past at 140mph. Bosses wanted human guinea pigs to stand as close as 6ft 6in to the expresses to test the effect of their slipstream. Rail
union chief Jimmy Knapp branded the idea barmy and suggested BR use Transport Secretary John MacGregor instead.
The workers would have been attached to posts by special harnesses that would allow them to move to the side but not forward. They would have been asked for their reaction after the trains had roared past. The tests would have helped to determine the distances from trains at which staff could work in safety. They would have taken place between York and Darlington.
However the Health and Safety Executive banned the scheme. The tests have been postponed pending further discussions to see how BR could get the information another way.
One disgruntled railwayman described the scheme as harebrained and said he joined BR to drive a flipping engine, not to play flipping bondage games. However a number of civilians have volunteered to take part in the scheme, preferably dressed in leather and chained from head to toe.
The effect when someone stands in the slipstream of a high-speed train is likely to be they'd get sucked under it. If tied to a post perhaps it would suck their boots off, or maybe they'd go blue in the face.
The idea is on a par to that of abolishing the timetable to stop the trains running late.

My invention relates to orthopedic appliances and has particular reference to an appliance adapted to be worn by the user, after retiring, whereby certain facial muscles will be trained to gradually produce the permanent effect of a smile on the countenance of the person using the appliance. The primary object of the invention is to produce such an effect and to counteract the sagging of the muscles around the corners of the mouth, due in most cases to advancing years.

Another object of the invention is to provide an appliance which will gradually train the muscles at the corners of the mouth into the position assumed by the act of smiling, without inconvenience to the user.