Weird Universe Archive

January 2013

January 23, 2013

News of the Weird (1-23-2013)

The News of the Weird Blog
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Hand-Picked and Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
Wednesday, January 23, 2013

© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Tokyo: It says here* that a marketing firm is recruiting popular “girls” (18-and-up) to wear advertising stickers on their legs between the hem of a short skirt and the top of tall socks and just walk around, on the supposition that that’s where men look, anyway. [* This story is so far reported only in London’s Daily Telegraph, and ID’s the marketing firm as “Wit Inc,” which is apparently this one but whose work is not well reported in English, so we’ll have to take the newspaper’s word for all this.] Daily Telegraph

Detroit: Bishop Wayne T. Jackson wants YouTube cleansed of a video showing his consecration style at his Impact Ministries International. He’s in full robes, lying on top of the new bishops, also in robes, as they pray. Comments left on the bishop’s Facebook page have apparently been so-o-o gay. Associated Press via WJBK-TV

Jackson, Miss.: The ACLU and another group alleged that the state uses “arrest” as a viable option in schools, to improve discipline. But readers’ imagination is required to process an arrest for farting, for instance. And a 5-yr-old kid was arrested for violating a dress code (have to “send a message,” y’know). The kid’s mom had used a marker to color red-white sneakers the required black. New York Times /// Yahoo News

Dangers of Smoking: In Germany a 2-yr-old accidentally locked his grandpa on the balcony, sending him into hypothermia, when the man stepped out for a smoke. And in Russia, a man had to chase a train in the snow after he fell off standing between cars on a smoke break. The Local (Berlin) /// RIA-Novosti (Moscow)

Juneau, Wis.: Hard, hard times. Two strippers were cited for disorderly conduct for brawling over a customer’s tip ($1). La Crosse Tribune

Morristown, N.J.: A potential world record was set for the shortest time lapse between “started new job” and “broke bad.” Police said Tyrone Harris, 26, was on the job at Dunkin Donuts for about 20 minutes when he swiped around $2,000 from a drawer and left (saying he’d “finish training” later). (Newark)

Jury Duty ([In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]): From last week’s The Smoking Gun collection, a man with zero chance of acquittal for domestic battery. The Smoking Gun

Posted By: Chuck - Wed Jan 23, 2013 - Comments (6)

January 22, 2013

Man Killed by Van Driven by Dog

Don't stop to open the gate with a dog close by. It may jump in and punch the accelerator.

Here's the link:

Pictured is a trained driving dog. This is not the dog mentioned in the story.


The driver, who had opened her door and let the dog in the van, has not been charged

"Lassie -- go get help!!" But first take your paw off the gas.

Posted By: gdanea - Tue Jan 22, 2013 - Comments (2)
Category: Animals

Musical Decomposition

It comes with a headstone that tells visitors what is playing down below as well.

Posted By: patty - Tue Jan 22, 2013 - Comments (12)
Category: Death

Westphal’s Auxiliator

image image
[Click text to enlarge]

Here's an old-timey hair tonic with a weird name. The strange noun just means "helper."

Composed of "55% grain alcohol," it went down many an alcoholic's gullet, I'm sure.

Believe it or not, the tonic was mentioned in a SIMPSONS comicbook. If you look at their ad below, you'll see why. The mutant female user resembles the famed Springfield three-eyed fish.


Posted By: Paul - Tue Jan 22, 2013 - Comments (4)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Elderly and Seniors, Comics, 1900s, 1910s, 1920s, Nineteenth Century, Hair and Hairstyling

Soap-Pooping Pigeons

GeoBeatsNews reports on an experimental London-based project to feed pigeons a special diet that'll make them poop soap. That way, instead of dirtying the city as they fly around, they'll clean it.

The video makes it sound like this is an official government-sponsored project. But as far as I can tell, it's an art project called "Pigeon D'Or" by Cohen Van Balen. That is, it's probably not really happening. Van Balen offers this description of the project:

With the help of biochemist James Chappell, we have used synthetic biology to design and create a bacteria that can modify the metabolism of pigeons. To achieve this, we have created a new biobrick, or standard biological part, that when added to the genetic information of the bacteria, creates lipase. We have also used a biobrick that lowers the ph. The result is a biological device that produces a kind of window-soap. We have built this device in the bacteria Lactobacillus, which is a bacteria that naturally occurs in the digestive tract. So when feeding this bacteria to a pigeon, it should produce and defecate biological soap.

Posted By: Alex - Tue Jan 22, 2013 - Comments (4)
Category: Animals, Art, Baths, Showers and Other Cleansing Methods, Excrement

Brand New Urban Legend

There is a really great new urban legend circulating out there folks. Fake calamari is made from pig rectums! At least everyone is saying it is just an urban legend.

Posted By: patty - Tue Jan 22, 2013 - Comments (15)
Category: Nausea, Revulsion and Disgust

January 21, 2013

A Strange Burial, 1736

From The History of Lymington, and its immediate vicinity, by David William Garrow (1825):

In the parochial register of Lymington, for the year 1736, is entered a curious minute, which, for its singularity, deserves notice. The words run thus: —

"Samuel Baldwin, Esq. sojourner in this parish, was immersed without the Needles, sans ceremonie, May 20, 1736. It was ever his request, whilst living, that his body might be so disposed of after his death, from a superstitious notion that his wife, in the instance of her surviving him, would dance over his grave, actuated by a spirit of vindictiveness for his conjugal infidelity."

Lymington Parish Church

Update: "without the Needles" refers to a location — Needles Point.

Posted By: Alex - Mon Jan 21, 2013 - Comments (9)
Category: Death, Obituaries, Eighteenth Century

January 20, 2013

Pro Speech 2

"... they found that to get rid of nuclear weapons is, actually, costly because you have to pay to modernize the nuclear weapons to keep them as a deterrent."
Fox: Jennifer Griffin
Double speak? Teleprompter problems?

[web security] "... experts suggest that one solution is to isolate our sensitive materials from the general use of the internet."
Fox: Dominic Di-Natale
In other words, if you don't have an internet account you'll never have the opportunity to help our Nigerian neighbors. Good thinking!

"If you think about all the jobs that are out there, being an airline pilot is PROBUBLY one that has a lot of responsibility..."
Fox: (Interviewee) Scott Brenner, FMR Sr. FAA Official
Hopefully, Scott's replacement is SURE that the job of airline pilot has a lot of responsibility.

"Eating at least three servings of blueberries and strawberries a week can reduce the risk of heart attack by 32%. And eating onions five times a week even better; lowering the risk by 73%.
ABC: Diane Sawyer reporting on a study of women's health.
Sorry, guys, this 105% protection is only for the girls.

"People are beginning to see that unions are out to help union workers .."
FOX: Sabrina Schaeffer, Exectutive Dir., Independent Women's Forum
I agree 100%, unions are (at least supposed to be) for their members!

"The 'Hello Kitty' bubble gun is similar to this one except it's pink and it has a picture of 'Hello Kitty' on it. .... when you pull the trigger it shoots out bubbles."
ABC: The news personallity wasn't named but, if you watch the clip I'm sure you'll understand why you, too, wouldn't want your name associated with it.
Click here for more on this topic.

"It's clear that one reason that the poverty rate has tended to, ah, move up over time, holding other things equal, is because we have more single parents and they're much more likely to be poor."
Fox: Isabel Sawhill, Sr. Fellow, Brookings Institute
Single mothers are poor and poor people are single mothers. I get it!
I went over to their web-site to see what they're all about. It looks to be a salt lick for experts.

Posted By: Expat47 - Sun Jan 20, 2013 - Comments (2)
Category: TV News

Are You Ready for Self-Hypnotism?

A self-help book from the 1970s. Among the problems it promised to cure:
  • How to use self-hypnosis to cure your slipped disc, backache, headache, low back pain, even the painful torticolis or "wry neck" that has defied medical science
  • How to conquer a condition we call "loneliness" but which our subconscious mind knows to be a genuine starvation of our love needs
  • Even if you've been smoking for twenty-five years you can give it up overnight—and actually enjoy the so-called "withdrawal" period
  • An entirely new and different way of controlling overweight—on a self-hypnotic diet that requires no dieting

There was also an audio version, available on vinyl, which is still for sale on Amazon.

Posted By: Alex - Sun Jan 20, 2013 - Comments (2)
Category: Self-help Schemes, 1970s

Captain Kronos

The Captain's "flesh-colored" tights often make him appear bare-legged in a tunic miniskirt, especially in that scene when he's on horseback.

Posted By: Paul - Sun Jan 20, 2013 - Comments (2)
Category: Horror, Movies, Superstition, 1970s, Fictional Monsters

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Who We Are
Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

Chuck Shepherd
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.

Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.

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