Category:
Puns and Other Wordplay

The Cockney Alphabet

The "Cockney alphabet" is usually attributed to the comedians Clapham and Dwyer. From wikipedia:

As part of their act in 1929, they originated the Cockney Alphabet, a humorous alphabet that replaces the letters of the alphabet with supposed "Cockney" phonetics, such as "A for ‘Orses" (Hay for Horses) and ending with "Z for Effect" (Said for Effect). They recorded the routine, as "A Surrealist Alphabet", in 1936.

But some believe that the alphabet predates Clapham and Dwyer, and that the duo just happened to popularize a version of it. And there are multiple variations of the alphabet in circulation. The version below comes from Walrus Talk (1954) by Douglas Woodruff.



The Sydney Morning Herald has a guide that decodes most of the phrases in the above version of the alphabet. Though a few of them remain totally cryptic to me.

A - Hay for Horses
B - Beef or Mutton
C - Seaforth Highlanders
D - Deferential
E - Eve or Adam
F - Effervescence
G - Chief of Police
H - Age before beauty
I - Ivor Novello
J - Jaffa oranges
K - Cafe for coffee??
L - Hell for leather
M - Emphasis
N - ???
O - O for the wings of a dove
P - Pee for a penny
Q - Queue for a picture
R - Half a mo'
S - ???
T - Tea for two
U - UFA films??
V - Viva La France
W - I'll double you for a shilling
X - Eggs for breakfast
Y - Wife or sweetheart
Z - See you

Posted By: Alex - Fri Dec 29, 2023 - Comments (7)
Category: Puns and Other Wordplay

An eccentric spelling of height

I came across the following anecdote in Coronet magazine (Sep 1955):

John H. Holliday, peppery founder and editor of The Indianapolis (Indiana) News, stormed into the composing room one day, determined to find the culprit who had spelled height—"hight." A check of the original copy showed that it was spelled "hight" and that, furthermore, the copy had been written by Mr. Holliday.

"If that's the way I spelled it, that's correct," he said—and the word was spelled "hight" in The Indianapolis News for the next 30 years.

I thought this sounded like an urban legend of journalism, but a check of The Indianapolis News archive confirmed that the newspaper did indeed consistently substitute 'hight' for 'height' — and not just for 30 years. They did it from 1887 until 1947 when, as reported by Time magazine, they finally updated their style guide.

The misspelling occasionally attracted the attention of readers:

The Indianapolis News - Aug 10, 1934



But as far as I can tell the paper never told their readers why they were misspelling the word. It was a long-running, private joke kept going for sixty years (long after Holliday had died) by the editors.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Jan 18, 2023 - Comments (8)
Category: Journalism, Puns and Other Wordplay

240 different ways to spell the word Scissors

The author of this pamphlet, published in England in 1829, noted that he could expand the list to 480 variant spellings if he were to substitute 'z' for 's' at the end of the word. On this basis, he claimed that "The word Scissars appears capable of more variations in the spelling than any other."

He seemed to prefer the spelling 'scissars' to 'scissors'.

He also seemed to think that the publication of this list offered some kind of moral lesson. But, despite his explanation, I still can't figure out what that lesson might be:

If any person should feel a longing desire to be an author; instead of lighting the fire of contention, and abusing his neighbours to his own detriment, let him try his hand at Scissars.

If engaged in writing for the amusement of the Public and cannot refrain from introducing subjects which may be prejudicial to the morals of the rising generation, had he not much better write nothing but Scissers...

If any other subject engage his attention, it will always be a very safe and adviseable plan to consider if at any future more serious moment he might not be inclined to wish he had written nothing but Scissurs.


Click to enlarge. Source: The Picture Magazine - 1895

Posted By: Alex - Mon Apr 26, 2021 - Comments (0)
Category: Languages, Puns and Other Wordplay, Nineteenth Century

Youth and Aging

In 1991, the Pennsylvania legislature's Youth and Aging Committee changed its name to the Aging and Youth Committee. Why?

Some suggested that the change was made because people got confused about the panel’s name. "When you say ‘youth and aging’ repeatedly and quickly, some people hear the word euthanasia,” said Kevin Murphy, press secretary for the state Department of Aging.


Philadelphia Inquirer - Jan 23, 1991

Posted By: Alex - Wed Jan 15, 2020 - Comments (0)
Category: 1990s, Puns and Other Wordplay

Follies of the Madmen #290

image

Worst. Pun. Ever.

Original ad here.

Posted By: Paul - Fri Aug 05, 2016 - Comments (1)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Music, 1980s, Puns and Other Wordplay





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Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction, science-themed books such as Elephants on Acid and Psychedelic Apes.

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Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

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