Category:
Patents

Cramonnaise

Patented An application for a patent on this product was filed by Patrick Kelleher of Monroe, New York in 2009. From the patent application:

Two popular food items, mayonnaise and cranberry sauce, are mixed together to form a new food item which is to be called Cramonnaise. This new item is to be packaged and labeled with the new name—Cramonnaise. The name is derived from parts of the names of the ingredients, cranberry sauce and mayonnaise.

The patent application was abandoned in 2019.

It seems to be a peculiar feature of mayonnaise blends that they inspire weird names. Such as 'mayochup,' posted about previously.

Posted By: Alex - Thu Nov 28, 2019 - Comments (3)
Category: Food, Patents

Anti-Eating Face Mask



Patent No. 4,344,424, granted to Lucy L. Barmby of Sacramento, California in 1982. From the patent description:

a primary object of this invention is to provide a new and novel device for preventing the consumption of food by an individual.

It goes into more detail about who the invention might benefit:

The temptation to eat which leads one to eat excessively is ever present and the ready availability of attractively prepared, taste-tempting foods makes the temptation to eat and therefore to over eat virtually irresistible. Frequently, this temptation is so great that compulsive eating is not uncommon and many persons are virtually without the strength of will to resist overeating. The average person, therefore, does have a problem as to the over consumption of food but, even worse, when certain individuals are exposed to food constantly such as chefs, cooks, restaurant personnel or the like, it is a foregone conclusion that these individuals will consume far more food than is proper particularly when such food is usually readily available at no cost. Typical of such groups of individuals is the housewife who must frequently cook meals during the day which generally includes the preparation of such fattening foods such as pies, pastries, and the like. During the preparation of such meals not only is there the temptation to nibble on the food being prepared but it is generally necessary that the food be tasted during preparation thereby constantly stimulating the appetite and promoting the consumption of large quantities of food.

I'm imagining a husband preparing to go to work and strapping the anti-eating face mask on his wife before he leaves.

But couldn't the wearer just lift the mask off? Nope. It's locked on, though "under emergency conditions, the strap may be cut and the face mask of the invention removed."

Edmonton Journal - Oct 8, 2006



The invention reminds me of the Scold's Bridle, aka 'muzzle for ladies,' that some women were forced to wear back in olden times.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Nov 20, 2019 - Comments (5)
Category: Inventions, Patents, Dieting and Weight Loss

The Hollister Wind Bag

Patented by Thomas Lloyd Hollister in 1939. He called it a “gas receptor.” Basically, it was a fart collection bag. From the patent:

This invention relates to a device for receiving and storing gas formed by the digestion of foods. An object of the invention is the provision of a device for collecting and storing gas formed in the alimentary tract of the body and for absorbing liquids from the gases. Another object of the invention is the provision of a device for collecting and storing gas formed in the digestive tract, said device being removably suspended from the body and provided with a nipple having shielded perforations to permit gases to enter a storage chamber.



Posted By: Alex - Sat Mar 30, 2019 - Comments (1)
Category: Inventions, Patents, Flatulence, 1930s

The Masculine Toilet

It's a toilet specially designed for men who suffer from being too well endowed. It's been in the news recently because the current acting Attorney General, Matthew Whitaker, once worked as the lawyer for the company that patented (or sought to patent) it. From the 2014 press release announcing the "Masculine Toilet":

The average male genitalia is between 5" and 6". However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that. I estimate that a 12" distance is adequate enough for most well-endowed men, though I would not be surprised if there are cases who need a greater distance. Nevertheless, for the time being, this is a good starting point.

The Masculine Toilet reminds me of the Toilet Sanitary Shield For Men, which we posted about back in 2015. That was another device designed for men with oversized equipment.

Posted By: Alex - Fri Nov 16, 2018 - Comments (2)
Category: Bathrooms, Inventions, Patents

Invention Merit Badge

The Invention Merit Badge has the distinction of being the least-earned boy scout merit badge ever. Only 10 people ever earned it. The primary reason for this being that it required a scout to "invent and patent some useful article," which was a pretty high bar to set. After only three years the scout organization decided it was too much of a challenge and discontinued the badge. So it was only offered from 1911 to 1914. It was eventually replaced in 2010 by an Inventing badge which didn't have the patent requirement.

Enthusiasts of scout history have tried to figure out who the 10 winners of the badge were and what they invented, but so far it seems that only one of the patents has been identified. It was a "uniform coat with a removable false sleeve on which Scouts could sew merit badges and rank badges," patented by Graeme Thomas Smallwood of Washington, D.C.

More info: Scouting Magazine, "History of the Invention Merit Badge" [pdf]



Graeme Smallwood

Posted By: Alex - Fri Oct 05, 2018 - Comments (0)
Category: Clubs, Fraternities and Other Self-selecting Organizations, Inventions, Patents, 1910s

Whisper Seat

Patent awarded to Paul Bungo of Ambridge, Pennsylvania - July 20, 1971:

A principal object of the present invention is to provide a whisper seat for a toilet and which prevents sounds, made within a toilet bowl during a bowel movement, from being heard by other persons.
Another object is to provide a whisper seat which accordingly will eliminate the embarrassment to an occupant of a bath room that persons outside thereof have heard him during a bowel movement.

I can't imagine that this invention actually worked, because how would it stop the sound from coming out from between your legs?

Posted By: Alex - Tue Oct 02, 2018 - Comments (3)
Category: Inventions, Patents, Flatulence, 1970s

Toe Holder for Sunbathers

Invented by Russell Greathouse of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. Patented on Jan 23, 1973.

This invention relates to a toe holder or similar device for holding one’s feet together when sunbathing or the like, and it includes the process of applying the toe holder.

When a sunbather lies on his back his feet are not normally held perpendicular to the ground, but swing outward. As a result, the inner surfaces of the legs are subjected more intensely to the sun’s rays than the outer surfaces. By the use of a toe holder or similar device which holds the big toes adjacent one another a relatively uniform burning effect is obtainable.

The toe holder shown in FIGS. 1, 2 and 3 includes two rings 5 and 6 joined by the web 7. There is a small hole 8 through the web. This hole is not necessary but provides means for decorating the toe holder, and in the drawing the stem 10 of a flower (natural or artificial) is held in the opening 8.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Sep 12, 2018 - Comments (2)
Category: Inventions, Patents, 1970s

The Advertising Chair



When the chair rocked, visible adverts scrolled in the arms of the chair. So much for our age having a monopoly on intrusive ads.



Complete patent here.

Posted By: Paul - Wed Sep 12, 2018 - Comments (0)
Category: Inventions, Patents, Technology, Advertising, Interior Decorating, 1900s

Method of Preserving the Dead

Patented Dec 29, 1903 by Joseph Karwowski:

This invention relates to certain new and useful improvements in methods of preserving the dead; and it has for its object the provision of a means whereby a corpse may be hermetically incased within a block of transparent glass, whereby being effectually excluded from the air the corpse will be maintained for an indefinite period in a perfect and life-like condition, so that it will be prevented from decay and will at all times present a lifelike appearance...

In carrying out my process I first surround the corpse 1 with a thick layer 2 of sodium silicate or water-glass. After the corpse has been thus inclosed within the layer of waterglass it is allowed to remain for a short time within a compartment or chamber having a dry heated temperature, which will serve to evaporate the water from this incasing layer, after which molten glass is applied to the desired thickness. This outer lay of glass may be molded into a rectangular form 3, as shown in Fig. 2 of the drawings, or, if preferred, cylindrical or other forms may be substituted for the rectangular block which I have illustrated. In Fig. 3 I have shown the head only of the corpse as incased within the transparent block of glass, it being at once evident that the head alone may be preserved in this manner, if preferred.

It will be at once noted that a body preserved in this way may be kept indefinitely, as the body being hermetically inclosed within the outer glass covering it will be impossible for air to reach it, and hence it will be effectually preserved from decay. The glass surrounding the corpse being transparent, the body will be at all times visible.


Posted By: Alex - Fri Sep 07, 2018 - Comments (6)
Category: Death, Inventions, Patents, 1900s

Cremation by solar power

Patent #US4781174A:

Heat rays of the sun are concentrated and focussed by means of a reflective and/or lenticular device at a focal point for the purpose of the cremation of corpses, and their reduction to ashes thereby, either as a system per se or in combination with various ancillary buildings, equipment and facilities, more particularly an auditorium structure for conducting a funeral service or the like and from which a corpse may be transferred to the focal point of the concentrating device preferably by elevating the corpse through an opening in the ceiling and/or roof of the structure.

Seems like something a James Bond villain would create, if he were in the funeral business.



Posted By: Alex - Mon Jul 02, 2018 - Comments (7)
Category: Death, Inventions, Patents, 1980s

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Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction, science-themed books such as Elephants on Acid and Psychedelic Apes.

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Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

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